First of all, thank you for your continued prayers. Kathy is awake and off the respirator. Please pray for her spiritual and mental state right now. I can't elaborate as I have no details and I want to protect her privacy. Just pray that she will rest in Him and be at peace. I do not know any of the test results at this point.
Now, in reference to my title, I would like to provide a little map of how I came out of constricting and debilitating legalism into a spacious and gracious place. I first give God 100% of the credit. He was and is so faithful to meet me where I'm at. As I look back on my brief 30 years, I can see His hand carefully guiding and shaping me. And interestingly enough, He used other people to mold me--many of them regular people, but a few artists thrown in there. So, if you're wanting to move forward in freedom and grace in your Christian walk, here are some folks that God used in my life. You should google them. :)
1. Rich Mullins
You can't listen to Rich Mullins and feel unloved or unworthy. He so captures the heart of God in all of his music. If 80s music doesn't bother you too much, then you'll enjoy Rich. I have always called him a modern-day Apostle Paul. He'd probably laugh if he heard me say that. Seriously, though, the man knew Jesus (he died in a tragic car accident well over 10 years ago). If you want a good biography about him, check out _An Arrow Pointing to Heaven_ by James Bryan Smith. The book blessed me and gave me an even greater picture of who he was and what God had accomplished in his life.
2. Stephanie Thiemann
Now, I don't think Steph is up for discipling you because she lives in India right now, but she is great. Steph got the great job of showing me how legalistic I was and how self-righteous. Fun, huh? But seriously, she was great at it. I never felt condemned by her. Even when I hit my lowest point EVER, she never condemned me. She loved me through it. I've mentioned before the CRAZY prayer journals I used to keep. If you don't recall, they were really bad. I tried to keep each page even and pray with the ACTS method--one page of adoration, one of confession, one of thanksgiving, one of supplication--if I wrote two pages of one, then by George, I better do two pages of each. She told me to stop. That was HUGE. I stopped, and I haven't retreated back to the comfort of the ACTS method. It challenged my prayer life.
3. Waterdeep
This band is amazacrazy. You should check them out if you haven't already. They get it. They get Jesus' love and mission. They also have a great sound--very unique in the Christian arena. This ain't The Gaithers, friends. (Nothing against the Gaithers, I just don't like that kind of music). I really enjoyed their project with 100 Portraits "Enter the Worship Circle". Start there and then branch out into all their albums.
4. Dinah Fox
She has no idea the impact she had on me that summer. I will never forget it. We were sitting in a Sunday School class out in Colorado, and our teacher was being all seminary-like and our heads were swimming as we had no clue what he was talking about. She leaned over to me and said, "If all I ever knew was that Jesus loved me, that'd be enough for me." I had NEVER thought about that. Not that the pursuit of knowledge is evil or a waste of time, it's not. But, how often does our pursuit of it actually lead us to Jesus? If it doesn't lead us to Him, we should abandon it; it's lost its purpose. At that point, I knew I wanted people like Dinah in my life. People who were coming into an understanding of His great and unmeasurable love.
5. Brennan Manning
Dinah actually told me about him. She told me to read _The Ragamuffin Gospel_. It changed my life. I realized I was a beggar at Heaven's door, and Jesus loved me. Really loved me. You should read this book if you haven't. It's transformational.
6. Kristin Ross
Grace-filled woman of God. She talks really fast. And she listens hard. I was able to confess my sin to her without judgment. Through all my tears, she was there, loving me and encouraging me. She was like Dinah--safe. I knew she knew Him like I wanted to.
7. Jeremy Irvan
Jeremy loved me the way I was, and he wasn't afraid to tell me the truth. That's rare. I never felt condemned, but I did hear truth from him. I'll never forget it.
8. Kim Stephens
Loving. Gracious. Healing. Kim is a healer of souls. I believe God has gifted her this way. She nurtured me in one of my most vulnerable states, and I am grateful for the way she poured out her life on me.
9. Megan Dart
She has loved me through it all. Being persistently loved by people when you're unlovely is just so Godly. Megan has been that for me. She never threw in the towel--just like Jesus.
10. David Geidl, my husband
He sees me at my worst. He loves me still. His forgiveness and love have made marriage more beautiful. We're on this journey together, and it is exciting to see him moving on this same path. We encourage one another along the way. He's an oak of righteousness.
11. The Summit Church
They stepped outside the box. It was new for me. It was refreshing. I cherish the four years I spent there with that group of believers. If you're in a church where things refuse to change, you will not see much grace. I'm thankful that the Summit is a gracious body.
12. Marla Livers
Marla teaches me all the time. She is the kind of friend who'll get down in the mud with you and help you get out. She has suffered more than her fair share in life, but she NEVER minimalizes my suffering. She's a living example of God's grace.
13. Melissa Smith
She is my twin in personality. We both struggle with being rule-makers and rule-followers. But we're growing together. We've both changed a lot. But we are a beautiful picture of iron sharpening iron. It's awesome how God has used her to shape me. I can't imagine what kind of person I would be right now if we hadn't become friends.
14. Kathy Ruddick
It's hard to think about her being in the hospital and having suffered so much for the last three months. She is a mighty woman of God. She led me out of an intellectual prison into the freedom of the Spirit. She has never assumed a place of authority over me, but rather, she has served me endlessly always pointing me back to Jesus. "Why don't you pray about that, Amanda?" She always listens, but she knows Who has the answers.
15. Kaysie Steele
Kaysie told me once, when I was hitting a rough patch, "Sometimes, it's just life. It happens. The cause of it isn't really important." Kaysie has gone through so much, but she has such a good perspective on it. She's not blaming. She walks in grace with her family and her friends. You gotta love a woman with a good head on her shoulders.
16. Meredith Mayer
Pure in heart. Gracious. She knows her Father's voice. She is precious and encouraging. She brightens my days with her laughter, and her sincerity can't be beat. We haven't even known one another for a year, and yet, I feel like we've known one another for decades. She loves hard. That's important.
17. Donald Miller
Just read his stuff. He's great. He really captures faith in action--loving people practically.
18. W. Paul Young
Yes, the author of _The Shack_. I don't agree 100% with everything he says there, but this book was a catalyst for me spiritually. It set me on a path to become more aware of God's heart.
19. Wayne Jacobsen
_He Loves Me!_ is awesome. It builds on _The Shack_ in a more Scripture-saturated kind of way.
20. Danny Silk
_Loving our Kids on Purpose_ built on the two previous books (above). It translated for me how to parent like God. How to extend grace in parenting--it's valuable stuff.
21. David Crowder Band
"Church Music" is what I listen to most of the time. This album is so where I'm at right now. DCB is where it's at.
22. Believer's Church
This is a community of genuine folks who let it all hang out--good, bad, and ugly. They're beautiful people with a heart for seeing Jesus all over the world and into the hidden nooks and crannies of our lives. I love 'em.
What I find interesting about my journey is that my list is full of regular people that I have lived in community with at a point in my life. There are so many more people I could have added, but for space's sake, I added the ones that jumped right out at me as I chronicled my journey in my head. We were meant for community--meant to live together, loving one another as Christ loves us, extending His message of grace to those around us. It's beautiful stuff.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Filling the shelves
Thank you for praying for Kathy. She tried to open her eyes last night. Big improvement. They are running a bunch of tests today. Please continue to pray as you think of her.
I went on a little decorating spree last night. Well, for me, anyway. I do not shop for decor that often. I have these two ugly and plain white shelving units in my kitchen that are desperate for decor. So, I decided to channel my inner Anna and make them more attractive.
Here is a Before Picture:
Sad, isn't it?
When we moved in, I wasn't too thoughtful about where I should put the coffee mugs. They ended up on the shelf because I didn't have a clear vision or plan for the kitchen. But now, I just want the shelf to look like I care about it. So, I decided to hit Hobby Lobby and see if there was anything that appealed to my tastes. I found a few things.
I went on a little decorating spree last night. Well, for me, anyway. I do not shop for decor that often. I have these two ugly and plain white shelving units in my kitchen that are desperate for decor. So, I decided to channel my inner Anna and make them more attractive.
Here is a Before Picture:
Sad, isn't it?
I found that robin egg blue vase (for $5) with a sweet bird on it. It needed flowers, so I bought the silk ones ($2.50) and some foam ($1.77) to stick them in. I reordered my pictures and cookbooks as well. I think it looks better.
Then I found the birdhouse ($11.25). I loved it, and I knew it would be right at home on my shelf. I once again reorganized cookbooks and another flowerpot I have (that needs some flowers). We shall see. I am taking baby steps here!!!
Here is the big picture:
Here is the big picture:
Much better, wouldn't you say (at least the top two rows!)? I think I spent $19 and some change. I took it out of the entertainment fund. :)
I need further ideas for the bottom three rows. Please contribute your design wisdom. I was contemplating using some fabric or scrapbook paper to line the backs of some of the shelves in a true Nester fashion. Whatdya think?
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Sobriety Beats Cleverness Today
I was going to write something witty today. I was going to try to make you laugh.
But that's all down the toilet.
I just received some sobering news about my dear friend, Kathy. She is in the ICU, on a ventilator, and has been unconscious for an indeterminate amount of time. She has been ill for the last three months, and there haven't been a lot of answers for her. Please pray with me that what is hidden in her body will come to light--that the doctors will discover what has been making her sick for the last three months. Pray that she will be healed. Pray that her husband, Scott, will be comforted and empowered during this time.
Thank you.
But that's all down the toilet.
I just received some sobering news about my dear friend, Kathy. She is in the ICU, on a ventilator, and has been unconscious for an indeterminate amount of time. She has been ill for the last three months, and there haven't been a lot of answers for her. Please pray with me that what is hidden in her body will come to light--that the doctors will discover what has been making her sick for the last three months. Pray that she will be healed. Pray that her husband, Scott, will be comforted and empowered during this time.
Thank you.
Monday, February 22, 2010
What to say...
it's hard to think of things on Mondays. Even if we had a good weekend.
And we did.
But, I'm tired. It's Monday; did I mention it? I have a pile of things to do in my mind. I want to do the fun stuff first, but I feel like I have to do the unfun stuff instead. I wish I had a friend over who would chat to me while I did stuff. That would help distract.
I used to do Flylady.
I'm reading the Sidetracked Home Executives book (what Flylady is based on).
There are so many good ideas. But, I'm afraid that the problem lies within.
ME.
I am the problem. There! I said it! I make a lot of excuses for why my house is messy and dirty. I don't like to do housework, so more often than not, I don't do it. Seriously.
So, please turn over a new leaf with me today. Let's get our shoes on and put things back where they belong. Let's step away from the computer. Let's get moving.
Who's with me?
And we did.
But, I'm tired. It's Monday; did I mention it? I have a pile of things to do in my mind. I want to do the fun stuff first, but I feel like I have to do the unfun stuff instead. I wish I had a friend over who would chat to me while I did stuff. That would help distract.
I used to do Flylady.
I'm reading the Sidetracked Home Executives book (what Flylady is based on).
There are so many good ideas. But, I'm afraid that the problem lies within.
ME.
I am the problem. There! I said it! I make a lot of excuses for why my house is messy and dirty. I don't like to do housework, so more often than not, I don't do it. Seriously.
So, please turn over a new leaf with me today. Let's get our shoes on and put things back where they belong. Let's step away from the computer. Let's get moving.
Who's with me?
Friday, February 19, 2010
Reflux Revisited
I took my sweet Lucy in for a weight check.
2 ounces in one month. Gained. That's it.
I was told by a doctor friend that it should be somewhere between 5-8 oz a month following their first birthday.
She's 15 months now. She doesn't choose to walk on her own, she has to be coaxed. I don't think it is lack of ability as much as it is fear or timidity. :) She looks so nervous when you try to get her to walk. She needs a little confidence! She is picking up new words fairly quickly, and I suspect she will follow more in her sister's footsteps in her verbal skills.
Getting her to eat is a struggle. At first, she was eating alright but not drinking whole milk. So, then I decided to go for dumping the Carnation Instant Breakfast in her whole milk to enhance the flavor and provide some extra protein. That worked. She started drinking more milk, but she started eating less food. I've even caught her with spit-up on her shirt a few times. So, the idea that she may still be struggling with reflux has resurfaced.
She struggled immensely when she was 1-3 months. She refused to nurse a lot. She wasn't much of a spitter, but you could tell she was in pain. We assume she eventually got used to nursing with reflux because we didn't keep her on the Axid for too long. Then, we began to introduce food, and she was not interested. She was more interested in what was on my plate than baby food, so I finally gave up with the baby food. But I notice now, most of the fruits and veggies she was getting from her baby food were probably quite acidic.
We moved to table food, and she struggled for about a month getting the skills to chew and maneuver it in her mouth. She was doing alright. But, then I was worried about her not drinking much whole milk. She was still nursing 2-3 times a day, but still...
Cow's milk is acidic. It is not basic, contrary to popular belief. Both milk and chocolate can really irritate someone with acid reflux. And I was giving her that chocolate Carnation in hopes of getting her more of what she needs. But then she stopped wanting food. Vicious cycle!!!
So, my 15 month old weighs a whopping 17 lbs 14 oz. I have shed many tears over this, but I think I am on my way to a happy place. I'm not truly convinced she NEEDS the whole milk. She will eat yogurt and cheese (and I may sneak heavy cream into her oatmeal). We have her on Prevacid solutabs for a month. We're going to see if it makes a difference in her appetite. If it doesn't, then we may do some testing to rule out other issues. We want to be as conservative as we can without missing something important. We want to do everything we can to help her. I hope whatever happens, we find out that she's just herself.
But I still feel like I need to enhance what she will eat so she can get the maximum calories out of it.
I took Mckmama's advice. I went to Whole Foods and bought a few things to boost her food. I got some flax seed, some flax seed oil, some steel cut oats (twice the fiber of whole grain rolled oats!!! and an extra gram of protein!), and some more tahini to make hummus. For breakfast, I made the kids some oatmeal with the steel cut oats, a tablespoon of flax seed, and of course water. After it cooked, I added some cinnamon, a little brown sugar (didn't have honey), and some heavy cream to thicken it up!
She ate half of it. And she ate a whole container of Yo-baby whole milk yogurt.
This is huge. After her meal, I offered her a sippy cup with milk. She knocked it away.
She is still nursing 2-3 times a day. I feel really good about that.
She may refuse lunch, but for now, she ate her breakfast, and I couldn't be more pleased. We may discover that reflux isn't the issue. I hope that she's just small and finicky and ornery. Please pray for her--pray that she will begin to eat more and gain more. Regardless of growth charts, I know she isn't eating enough. I see what goes in her mouth and what ends up on the floor. Thank you for praying.
If you have a reflux story you want to share with me, I would love to hear it.
2 ounces in one month. Gained. That's it.
I was told by a doctor friend that it should be somewhere between 5-8 oz a month following their first birthday.
She's 15 months now. She doesn't choose to walk on her own, she has to be coaxed. I don't think it is lack of ability as much as it is fear or timidity. :) She looks so nervous when you try to get her to walk. She needs a little confidence! She is picking up new words fairly quickly, and I suspect she will follow more in her sister's footsteps in her verbal skills.
Getting her to eat is a struggle. At first, she was eating alright but not drinking whole milk. So, then I decided to go for dumping the Carnation Instant Breakfast in her whole milk to enhance the flavor and provide some extra protein. That worked. She started drinking more milk, but she started eating less food. I've even caught her with spit-up on her shirt a few times. So, the idea that she may still be struggling with reflux has resurfaced.
She struggled immensely when she was 1-3 months. She refused to nurse a lot. She wasn't much of a spitter, but you could tell she was in pain. We assume she eventually got used to nursing with reflux because we didn't keep her on the Axid for too long. Then, we began to introduce food, and she was not interested. She was more interested in what was on my plate than baby food, so I finally gave up with the baby food. But I notice now, most of the fruits and veggies she was getting from her baby food were probably quite acidic.
We moved to table food, and she struggled for about a month getting the skills to chew and maneuver it in her mouth. She was doing alright. But, then I was worried about her not drinking much whole milk. She was still nursing 2-3 times a day, but still...
Cow's milk is acidic. It is not basic, contrary to popular belief. Both milk and chocolate can really irritate someone with acid reflux. And I was giving her that chocolate Carnation in hopes of getting her more of what she needs. But then she stopped wanting food. Vicious cycle!!!
So, my 15 month old weighs a whopping 17 lbs 14 oz. I have shed many tears over this, but I think I am on my way to a happy place. I'm not truly convinced she NEEDS the whole milk. She will eat yogurt and cheese (and I may sneak heavy cream into her oatmeal). We have her on Prevacid solutabs for a month. We're going to see if it makes a difference in her appetite. If it doesn't, then we may do some testing to rule out other issues. We want to be as conservative as we can without missing something important. We want to do everything we can to help her. I hope whatever happens, we find out that she's just herself.
But I still feel like I need to enhance what she will eat so she can get the maximum calories out of it.
I took Mckmama's advice. I went to Whole Foods and bought a few things to boost her food. I got some flax seed, some flax seed oil, some steel cut oats (twice the fiber of whole grain rolled oats!!! and an extra gram of protein!), and some more tahini to make hummus. For breakfast, I made the kids some oatmeal with the steel cut oats, a tablespoon of flax seed, and of course water. After it cooked, I added some cinnamon, a little brown sugar (didn't have honey), and some heavy cream to thicken it up!
She ate half of it. And she ate a whole container of Yo-baby whole milk yogurt.
This is huge. After her meal, I offered her a sippy cup with milk. She knocked it away.
She is still nursing 2-3 times a day. I feel really good about that.
She may refuse lunch, but for now, she ate her breakfast, and I couldn't be more pleased. We may discover that reflux isn't the issue. I hope that she's just small and finicky and ornery. Please pray for her--pray that she will begin to eat more and gain more. Regardless of growth charts, I know she isn't eating enough. I see what goes in her mouth and what ends up on the floor. Thank you for praying.
If you have a reflux story you want to share with me, I would love to hear it.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
And the Winner Is...
Christy!!!
"Cooking and baking new foods!"--is how she likes to make her house a home.
Let me say a few things about Christy. I have known Christy since the first grade.
"Cooking and baking new foods!"--is how she likes to make her house a home.
Let me say a few things about Christy. I have known Christy since the first grade.
Here we are in the first grade--the two girls holding the sign in the middle.
Christy and I had not seen one another in YEARS, and then we reconnected in the blog world a couple of years ago. I am so glad to be in touch with her. She is a beautiful woman with a sincere heart of worship. I am thrilled to be able to call her friend even after all these years!
So, I know you're all wondering...what is she going to get?
Well, I am going to make her a PURSE!!!
It will be in this style--I've made a couple of these, and I LOVE them.
I will confer with her about fabric choices, and I will post the final pictures when I am done with it!!!
Thanks for playing!!!
So, I know you're all wondering...what is she going to get?
Well, I am going to make her a PURSE!!!
It will be in this style--I've made a couple of these, and I LOVE them.
I will confer with her about fabric choices, and I will post the final pictures when I am done with it!!!
Thanks for playing!!!
Monday, February 15, 2010
100th Post Giveaway!
Well, since this is my 100th post here on Blogger, would you like to join me in a giveaway?
The prize is a secret, but it will be handmade by Yours Truly.
Here's the deal:
Leave a comment telling me your favorite way to make your house a home--men, you are welcome to join in as well! I will draw a comment at random using the random number generator! Comments will close at 11:59pm Tuesday night (CST)--2/16/2010.
100 Posts of Geidlbots=Way too freaking awesome.
(comments via Facebook will not be included in the drawing, please comment via Blogger)
The prize is a secret, but it will be handmade by Yours Truly.
Here's the deal:
Leave a comment telling me your favorite way to make your house a home--men, you are welcome to join in as well! I will draw a comment at random using the random number generator! Comments will close at 11:59pm Tuesday night (CST)--2/16/2010.
100 Posts of Geidlbots=Way too freaking awesome.
(comments via Facebook will not be included in the drawing, please comment via Blogger)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Undisclosed Desires
I used to identify my Christianity as "Protestant", "Baptist", or "Non-Denominational". Now, I prefer just to say that I am a believer and follower of Jesus Christ. I realize that all across the Christian spectrum, there are those in every camp who are believers in name only and not with their lives.
I have a dear friend, Carrie, who is Catholic, and she introduced me to Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body. While I do not wholeheartedly embrace all things Catholicism teaches (and neither do I Protestantism), I embrace this teaching that we are created in the image of God, that male bodies and female bodies don't make sense on their own, that procreation is a beautiful picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church, that in our sinful humanity our desires for fulfillment have become twisted and inverted so that we bear shame and seek to fulfill them ourselves with things that do not fill. I love this teaching--it is beautiful and resonates so strongly with my spirit.
I begin to see the same longings in hearts everywhere--it is apparent so boldly in our films and our music. Christopher West, the leading Catholic educator (in America) of Theology of the Body, is quite adept at seeing these in lyrics. Carrie showed me a blog that he and Bill Donaghy write called Twisted Mystics. They hash out song lyrics that reveal our hearts' true longings that can only be fulfilled by Jesus Himself. Here is my own submission to their blog--Muse's Undisclosed Desires:
I know you've suffered
But I don't want you to hide
It's cold and loveless
I won't let you be denied
Soothing
I'll make you feel pure
Trust me
You can be sure
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart
You trick your lovers
That you're wicked and divine
You may be a sinner
But your innocence is mine
Please me
Show me how it's done
Tease me
You are the one
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart
Please me
Show me how it's done
Trust me
You are the one
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart
Now, that you've read these lyrics, go back and reread them as if they were spoken by Jesus. I realize that may sound blasphemous to some, but seriously, consider what it would be like if Jesus were to say these things to you (I realize this may be difficult for those of you in the male arena). We hear a man speaking to a woman here--a woman who has gone down the wrong road, again and again, seeking fulfillment from her lovers. They never satisfy her emptiness. She has come to believe that she has nothing to offer. She is worthless and ashamed. This man speaking to her says he believes he can heal her--show her what she's worth. He wants to cleanse her of her past, show her she's more than her pretty face, show her she has something to offer--she is altogether pleasing.
Are you seeing the parallel? I love this song. If you haven't heard it, go HERE.
Doesn't Jesus want the same thing for us? Doesn't He want us to see that we are the One for Him? Doesn't He want to purify and cleanse us from our demons and our past? Doesn't He want us to see that we are pleasing to Him and beautiful in His sight? Doesn't He want to fulfill our desires perfectly?
We are so loved.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Book Club Read-A-Long
I started a book club. Well, I had considered it, and I didn't know who would be able to join in. A woman, Megan, that works with Dave said something on Facebook about wishing she were in a book club so she could discuss the books she was reading.
I LOVED my book club in Tulsa. Second Saturdays at Borders with a Cafe Mocha and good conversation--it was often a monthly highlight in my life. I loved the fellowship of other women, and I was always inspired by how well-read the ladies were. I wanted to replicate it here.
Surprisingly, Megan and I were able to round up several ladies who were interested. We had our first meeting on Saturday, and since then, I've been contacted by three other women who want to take part! Everyone's tastes are different, but it looks like we have a pretty swell reading list. AND, there are movies for most of the books we are reading (and some movies that will be released in the next year!). If you're interested in reading along, here is our list:
March 2010—Dear John by Nicholas SparksGuernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer
I LOVED my book club in Tulsa. Second Saturdays at Borders with a Cafe Mocha and good conversation--it was often a monthly highlight in my life. I loved the fellowship of other women, and I was always inspired by how well-read the ladies were. I wanted to replicate it here.
Surprisingly, Megan and I were able to round up several ladies who were interested. We had our first meeting on Saturday, and since then, I've been contacted by three other women who want to take part! Everyone's tastes are different, but it looks like we have a pretty swell reading list. AND, there are movies for most of the books we are reading (and some movies that will be released in the next year!). If you're interested in reading along, here is our list:
March 2010—Dear John by Nicholas Sparks
August 2010—The Help by Kathryn Stockett
September 2010—The Giver by Lois LowryOctober 2010—Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
January 2011—Icy
March 2001—Les Miserables by Victor Hugo (Must Get Signet Classics UNABRIDGED, translation by Lee Fahnestock/Norman MacAfee)
Not bad, eh? I'm excited, and I sensed many of the other women are excited too. It's not just an opportunity to read and discuss literature. It's an opportunity to form friendships, develop community and go deeper. This is my heart's desire to see women find godly community. I'm so thankful to be a part of this group!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Documentaries will be the Death of Me.
I really like documentaries. I like the way they make me think. I like the way they expose the truth. I like seeing real people tell their stories.
I think the first documentary that was the death of me was "Super Size Me". In this documentary, a guy eats only McDonald's three times a day for a month. In the end, his health is deteriorating, he is depressed, and he gained an obscene amount of weight. I learned a lot about the chemical preparation of their food process as well as their marketing schemes. And, as a result, I only eat at McDonald's if my options are severely limited.
Like in a foreign country.
No, not really, I have eaten at McDonald's a number of times since watching the film, but I definitely consider homemade food over fast food. I really hate fast food in general. I don't like eating it. I feel gross when I do. I didn't use to feel that way, but now that I know what is in it and how it is processed, it makes me feel NASTY.
Another documentary that I watched was "Paper Clips". It was so inspiring. It's about a small school in Kentucky (I think) that began a holocaust project by collecting a paper clip for each Jew that was exterminated in the Holocaust. Secondary students organized the project and found Holocaust survivors who came to tell their stories as part of the project. A rail car was obtained as part of a memorial and filled with the paperclips, symbolizing the Jews who were transported like cattle to the concentration camps.
I loved that film because it was inspiring. It helped a community look beyond itself. It makes you want to do the same.
Last year, I watched "The Business of Being Born" by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein. I watched it in preparation for my own natural childbirth with Lucy. This film is so informative and empowering. I encourage all women to watch it whether pregnant or not. I learned a lot about the profession of midwifery as well as an often flawed hospital system. My husband is a physician, and he couldn't argue with the film. He felt like it was really well done. My friend's husband is an OB/GYN, and he felt similarly.
Last night, we watched "Food, Inc.". It is about the food manufacturing in the US. It was astonishing. It was disgusting. It shocked me. And now, I want to buy local, organic food. ONLY. It may not be possible to go all the way with this where I live, but I sure want to give it a try. This woman in the film lost her two-year old son to hemorrhagic E. coli in 12 days from contaminated hamburger meat that tested positive for E. coli but wasn't recalled until a month after the positive test. Heart-wrenching. Makes me want to go completely vegetarian!!!! I like meat, and I think I could give it up, but I know Dave wouldn't. But still.
These films have changed the way I've looked at how fast food is destroying the health in this country, how my culture views history, how well-designed the female body is for childbirth, and how the food I serve came to be. They've been informative, but they also were convicting. Now that I have this information, what am I going to do with it?
Am I going to DIE to convenience and embrace a simpler but more hard-working lifestyle?
Am I going to DIE to my culture and look outside of myself?
Am I going to DIE to insurance companies, health systems and embrace the design of my body?
Am I going to DIE to the dollar and support those who work hard to respect workers, animals and the planet?
I want to. I don't know if I will. I want to do what I can. With greater knowledge comes greater responsibility.
Get my coffin ready.
I think the first documentary that was the death of me was "Super Size Me". In this documentary, a guy eats only McDonald's three times a day for a month. In the end, his health is deteriorating, he is depressed, and he gained an obscene amount of weight. I learned a lot about the chemical preparation of their food process as well as their marketing schemes. And, as a result, I only eat at McDonald's if my options are severely limited.
Like in a foreign country.
No, not really, I have eaten at McDonald's a number of times since watching the film, but I definitely consider homemade food over fast food. I really hate fast food in general. I don't like eating it. I feel gross when I do. I didn't use to feel that way, but now that I know what is in it and how it is processed, it makes me feel NASTY.
Another documentary that I watched was "Paper Clips". It was so inspiring. It's about a small school in Kentucky (I think) that began a holocaust project by collecting a paper clip for each Jew that was exterminated in the Holocaust. Secondary students organized the project and found Holocaust survivors who came to tell their stories as part of the project. A rail car was obtained as part of a memorial and filled with the paperclips, symbolizing the Jews who were transported like cattle to the concentration camps.
I loved that film because it was inspiring. It helped a community look beyond itself. It makes you want to do the same.
Last year, I watched "The Business of Being Born" by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein. I watched it in preparation for my own natural childbirth with Lucy. This film is so informative and empowering. I encourage all women to watch it whether pregnant or not. I learned a lot about the profession of midwifery as well as an often flawed hospital system. My husband is a physician, and he couldn't argue with the film. He felt like it was really well done. My friend's husband is an OB/GYN, and he felt similarly.
Last night, we watched "Food, Inc.". It is about the food manufacturing in the US. It was astonishing. It was disgusting. It shocked me. And now, I want to buy local, organic food. ONLY. It may not be possible to go all the way with this where I live, but I sure want to give it a try. This woman in the film lost her two-year old son to hemorrhagic E. coli in 12 days from contaminated hamburger meat that tested positive for E. coli but wasn't recalled until a month after the positive test. Heart-wrenching. Makes me want to go completely vegetarian!!!! I like meat, and I think I could give it up, but I know Dave wouldn't. But still.
These films have changed the way I've looked at how fast food is destroying the health in this country, how my culture views history, how well-designed the female body is for childbirth, and how the food I serve came to be. They've been informative, but they also were convicting. Now that I have this information, what am I going to do with it?
Am I going to DIE to convenience and embrace a simpler but more hard-working lifestyle?
Am I going to DIE to my culture and look outside of myself?
Am I going to DIE to insurance companies, health systems and embrace the design of my body?
Am I going to DIE to the dollar and support those who work hard to respect workers, animals and the planet?
I want to. I don't know if I will. I want to do what I can. With greater knowledge comes greater responsibility.
Get my coffin ready.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Disappointment and Hope
I've heard a few people talking about how they feel a spirit of hope rising in their hearts for the coming year. They sense God's hope rising above the sadness and struggles and in spite of them. I must confess, 2010 hasn't been so great for me. I'm struggling to sense that hope, though I know it is there.
Dave and I were talking last night, and I had a really great cry--the kind where my body was heaving and I was gasping for air. It is so cleansing to just release all of the pent-up emotion that I had tried to keep at bay. I've sensed that the one who wars for my soul has been on my case to steal my joy and rob me of my hope in the One who makes all things new.
I lost my baby. I'm sad. Not all the time, just occasionally, but it hits at unexpected times, and I am sometimes unprepared to deal with it in that moment, and what it turns into is me getting snappy, illogical, and blaming. I feel jealousy when I hear another person is pregnant. I certainly do not wish ill will on anyone, but I do feel that jealousy creep in from time to time.
I have known now for several years that people don't understand why Dave and I want to have several children. People often said when it was just Sam and Maryn, "Well, now you have one of each, so you're complete!" What is that? Who decided that was the "perfect" family? We have a longing in our hearts for children. We can't explain that to everyone, but we know it is part of our purpose. We want to adopt, and as I've mentioned before, some people think that's crazy since we already have three kids. We so strongly feel that children are a blessing from the Lord--a gift. We believe part of our purpose as husband and wife is to reflect the truth of Christ and the Church in our marriage--the husband (Christ) gives new life to the wife (the Church). That may not gel with some of you, but that is what we believe about our union and what it represents.
So, when I lost the baby, I had certain expectations for what my grief would look like. It certainly wasn't looking like what others had experienced. Now, I'm realizing it really is different for everyone. I am realizing that Solomon was right when he said, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" (Proverbs 13:12). We so hoped for another baby right now. It has been deferred, and I am disappointed. My heart sometimes feels sick. It's hard to watch others walking forward in their pregnancy, knowing that I should be experiencing it with them.
But losing the baby isn't my only disappointment. Trying to fatten up Lucy has been a chore. There are times when she is completely uninterested in her food, and I worry about it. I don't need more suggestions for how to fix it, I just need to be able to release her to the Lord's care. He showed me a year ago that she was for the "display of His splendor" and "the smallest a mighty nation". She is going to be okay. I hang onto that, but it seems hard to remember it in the midst of the disappointment.
I have also been disappointed about small town life. I was under the impression that in small towns, everyone knows everyone and everyone takes care of each other. I have found this to not be true. It may be true if you've lived in that town your whole life, but if you are a newcomer, you are on the outside. I've even heard people say, "You can live there for 10 years and still be the 'new' person in town."
My best friend here is moving away today. She will be 2.5 hours away, and we will still talk on the phone. But, I am sad about it. I am going to miss her. I have made a few other friends, and I am happy that I am building relationships with them. I am thankful to have them. But I see the way so many gossip about one another and the way even believers are not supportive of one another. It breaks my heart to see fragmenting like this in the Body.
So, I have these disappointments and others, but I'm sitting in the secret place letting my Father love me. This is all I can do right now. I can't make my situations more comfortable. I can't make people change. I can't right all the wrongs. I can only rest in His love.
And dance away the darkness.
I do a lot of that. You may think that's crazy, but it really works. When I feel the darkness creeping in and trying to steal my joy, I put on some David Crowder and dance all over the house. I bring my body into submission and trample the lies I'm hearing and let my body be a sacrifice of praise.
I long for the Hope. I ache for it. I crave it. I will cling to it though the darkness hides it. His light will break forth like the dawn. So, I say,
"The sun will no more be your light by day,
nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you,
for the LORD will be your everlasting light,
and your God will be your glory." Isaiah 60:19
Dave and I were talking last night, and I had a really great cry--the kind where my body was heaving and I was gasping for air. It is so cleansing to just release all of the pent-up emotion that I had tried to keep at bay. I've sensed that the one who wars for my soul has been on my case to steal my joy and rob me of my hope in the One who makes all things new.
I lost my baby. I'm sad. Not all the time, just occasionally, but it hits at unexpected times, and I am sometimes unprepared to deal with it in that moment, and what it turns into is me getting snappy, illogical, and blaming. I feel jealousy when I hear another person is pregnant. I certainly do not wish ill will on anyone, but I do feel that jealousy creep in from time to time.
I have known now for several years that people don't understand why Dave and I want to have several children. People often said when it was just Sam and Maryn, "Well, now you have one of each, so you're complete!" What is that? Who decided that was the "perfect" family? We have a longing in our hearts for children. We can't explain that to everyone, but we know it is part of our purpose. We want to adopt, and as I've mentioned before, some people think that's crazy since we already have three kids. We so strongly feel that children are a blessing from the Lord--a gift. We believe part of our purpose as husband and wife is to reflect the truth of Christ and the Church in our marriage--the husband (Christ) gives new life to the wife (the Church). That may not gel with some of you, but that is what we believe about our union and what it represents.
So, when I lost the baby, I had certain expectations for what my grief would look like. It certainly wasn't looking like what others had experienced. Now, I'm realizing it really is different for everyone. I am realizing that Solomon was right when he said, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" (Proverbs 13:12). We so hoped for another baby right now. It has been deferred, and I am disappointed. My heart sometimes feels sick. It's hard to watch others walking forward in their pregnancy, knowing that I should be experiencing it with them.
But losing the baby isn't my only disappointment. Trying to fatten up Lucy has been a chore. There are times when she is completely uninterested in her food, and I worry about it. I don't need more suggestions for how to fix it, I just need to be able to release her to the Lord's care. He showed me a year ago that she was for the "display of His splendor" and "the smallest a mighty nation". She is going to be okay. I hang onto that, but it seems hard to remember it in the midst of the disappointment.
I have also been disappointed about small town life. I was under the impression that in small towns, everyone knows everyone and everyone takes care of each other. I have found this to not be true. It may be true if you've lived in that town your whole life, but if you are a newcomer, you are on the outside. I've even heard people say, "You can live there for 10 years and still be the 'new' person in town."
My best friend here is moving away today. She will be 2.5 hours away, and we will still talk on the phone. But, I am sad about it. I am going to miss her. I have made a few other friends, and I am happy that I am building relationships with them. I am thankful to have them. But I see the way so many gossip about one another and the way even believers are not supportive of one another. It breaks my heart to see fragmenting like this in the Body.
So, I have these disappointments and others, but I'm sitting in the secret place letting my Father love me. This is all I can do right now. I can't make my situations more comfortable. I can't make people change. I can't right all the wrongs. I can only rest in His love.
And dance away the darkness.
I do a lot of that. You may think that's crazy, but it really works. When I feel the darkness creeping in and trying to steal my joy, I put on some David Crowder and dance all over the house. I bring my body into submission and trample the lies I'm hearing and let my body be a sacrifice of praise.
I long for the Hope. I ache for it. I crave it. I will cling to it though the darkness hides it. His light will break forth like the dawn. So, I say,
"The sun will no more be your light by day,
nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you,
for the LORD will be your everlasting light,
and your God will be your glory." Isaiah 60:19
Monday, February 1, 2010
High Octane Kind of Day
I found the largest coffee mug possible today. I filled it to the brim. I am tired. We have spent several days at home without leaving, and that's enough to make any mama tired! No, really, Dave had to leave a bit early today for work so he could see his hospital patients before clinic starts. So, he's gone, 2/3 of my kids are awake, but thanks to the superhero capes I made last night, they are quiet!
We actually did get out yesterday. Dave was itching to go to Conway (our nearest shopping city) to use his Christmas giftcards at Target and Old Navy. He needed some shirts. I was concerned the roads may be slushy (Thank you for being wrong, State Highway website!), and though the highway leading to our house was pretty patchy, the main highway was clear.
We stopped first at the fabric store because the kids were begging me to make them capes to go along with their masks. We found some pretty cheap fabric that looked Super, and some felt to make Maryn a new mask (one that looks more like Bug Girl from Backyardigans). AND I had already made Sam an eye patch to play pirates, but he really wanted a pirate hat to go along with it. I was nearly out of black felt, so we got some of that too. I made a pirate costume a couple of years ago for our friend, Rowin. Sam is finally ready for one of his own, I guess.
I did find some sweet deals at Old Navy (for my giftcards!). I got some dark gray khakis for $17. Have I ever mentioned that I HATE to spend more than $20 on pants/jeans? I know some people will spend a hundred dollars on jeans; that will not be me, thank you very much.
Otherwise, our homebound weeked (with electricity, thank God) was so nice. Dave took the kids outside to play in the snow. They've so been longing to do that and haven't had the opportunity yet. We ate good food, stayed cozy in our clothes (jammies), and I got to do a few things I like to do. I am nearly done crocheting a sweater/hat set for my friend, Megan. Her sweet girl, Madelyn, was born two weeks ago. I am nearly finished with the hat! I also read a book. And, the highlight of the weekend was that Dave watched "Cranford" with me. This is huge for most men. He knew I wanted to watch it, and I think he is actually enjoying it. We DVRed it, and for some reason, we only got the first two parts. Boo. Gotta find that third part.
So it has been a lovely weekend with a helpful husband, and now, he is at work--hence the largest cup of coffee. :) Time to make a pirate hat before I get swashbuckled.
We actually did get out yesterday. Dave was itching to go to Conway (our nearest shopping city) to use his Christmas giftcards at Target and Old Navy. He needed some shirts. I was concerned the roads may be slushy (Thank you for being wrong, State Highway website!), and though the highway leading to our house was pretty patchy, the main highway was clear.
We stopped first at the fabric store because the kids were begging me to make them capes to go along with their masks. We found some pretty cheap fabric that looked Super, and some felt to make Maryn a new mask (one that looks more like Bug Girl from Backyardigans). AND I had already made Sam an eye patch to play pirates, but he really wanted a pirate hat to go along with it. I was nearly out of black felt, so we got some of that too. I made a pirate costume a couple of years ago for our friend, Rowin. Sam is finally ready for one of his own, I guess.
I did find some sweet deals at Old Navy (for my giftcards!). I got some dark gray khakis for $17. Have I ever mentioned that I HATE to spend more than $20 on pants/jeans? I know some people will spend a hundred dollars on jeans; that will not be me, thank you very much.
Otherwise, our homebound weeked (with electricity, thank God) was so nice. Dave took the kids outside to play in the snow. They've so been longing to do that and haven't had the opportunity yet. We ate good food, stayed cozy in our clothes (jammies), and I got to do a few things I like to do. I am nearly done crocheting a sweater/hat set for my friend, Megan. Her sweet girl, Madelyn, was born two weeks ago. I am nearly finished with the hat! I also read a book. And, the highlight of the weekend was that Dave watched "Cranford" with me. This is huge for most men. He knew I wanted to watch it, and I think he is actually enjoying it. We DVRed it, and for some reason, we only got the first two parts. Boo. Gotta find that third part.
So it has been a lovely weekend with a helpful husband, and now, he is at work--hence the largest cup of coffee. :) Time to make a pirate hat before I get swashbuckled.
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