Sacrificing Plans for Peace

I went in for my ultrasound yesterday to check out the boys' sizes and positions. Well, the little boogers have both gone transverse (that's sideways...and babies don't come out sideways, just so you know). There is still time for them to move, and my OB/Gyn friend told me that transverse is the most unstable position. Sooooooo, I am praying at least Felix will move into a head down (vertex) position.

Their measurements were funny to me because the margin of error is now up to 1 lb. :) There are some doctors out there that will make decisions to induce or c-section a baby based on their size from the ultrasound. That is not wise. Find a different doctor if your doctor does that! The margin of error is too great! And...off the soapbox. Anyway, Felix measured 5 lbs. 9 oz, and Milo measured 5 lbs. 14 oz. So technically, they are somewhere between 4.5 and 7 lbs. That's a big window!!! Either way, they're growing well, and I'm thankful.

I am retaining a lot of fluid, but my blood pressure has been consistently great and there was no protein in my urine. I'm just huge. I measured about 41.5 cm at 34.5 weeks. And I gained 12 lbs in 2.5 weeks!!!!! Crazy. Like I said, I'm retaining fluid....and the babies measured two lbs. bigger than they did a month ago! Just crazy.

As for plans, anything could happen. Anything. It is a bit unsettling to realize that any scenario could take place. They could both turn vertex, and I could have a vaginal delivery. Felix could turn vertex, and I could deliver him vaginally, but if they're unable to get Milo to turn, then I could have him breech...unless he won't come out breech and something goes wrong, and then I could have an emergency c-section. Or...neither one turns, I go into labor, get to the hospital and have an ultrasound and head to c-section, or neither turns, and I will have a scheduled c-section on Dec. 30th when I am 38 weeks.

Too many scenarios to think about.

This is stretching for me. I like to be in control, and I'm not. I've lived under the illusion often in life that I am, but I'm not. Maybe you do that too. I don't know, but one thing is certain--Jesus loves me.

That's right. Jesus loves me. As I was praying over this situation yesterday, I asked Him to speak to my heart the truth it needed to hear, and what He said came in the words of one of my favorite songs, "I am my Beloved's and He is mine, so come into Your garden and take delight in me, take delight in me...Here in your presence, God, I find my rest; here in your presence, God."

No matter what is going on around me, I can find my peace and my rest in Him. He loves me, delights in me, and wants me to rest in Him and enjoy Him.

I am really okay with that.