Corny Jokes and a Spanish Riddle

So a panda walked into a cafe and much to the shock of the patrons went right up to the counter and demands a meal. The waiter was stunned, first that a panda can even talk, but even more that he was wanting to be served a meal there. Uncertain of what proper protocol may be, the waiter refused insisting that this just wasn't done. The panda argued saying this was in fact true to nature and if they didn't understand they could look him up in a dictionary. Frankly, pandas are big frightening creatures so the waiter conceded, thinking that it was best just to go along with it.

The panda enjoyed his appetizer, his entree, and finally his dessert, something with ginger in it according to some witnesses. The waiter went above and beyond the call of duty to make him feel welcome, partially out of curiosity and partly out of concern for the other guests. After a waft of his napkin and a hearty sigh, the panda stood took out a gun and simply shot the waiter dead.

The panda casually began to walk to the door to leave, but was stopped by a crowd of patrons who in astonishment of the whole scene forgot about their fear. Shouts rang out and everyone demanded to know why the panda had just shot the one person who had worked so hard to help him. His simple reply as he left the cafe, "I’m a panda. It's what I do."

The crowd was stunned and silence filled the space over the dead waiter's body for a few moments until rumbles of questions rose. Should they call the police, animal control, the zoo? Why this cafe, this waiter? The words of the panda haunted one man who remembered his own briefcase... a dictionary was in his possession. Could it really be that simple?

Panda - PANDA: a large bear with origins in Asia; Eats shoots and leaves.
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Q: What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?
A: "Wa-taaaaaaa!!!"
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Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Chugga chugga.
Chugga chugga, who?
Chugga chugga chugga chugga WHOOO WHOOO!
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Why did the pirate get his ear pierced?
It was a buccaneer.
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Why is it un-biblical to fly?
Jesus said, "Lo, I am with you always."
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What did the Zen Master say to the hot dog vendor?
"Make me one with everything."
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What lies on the ocean floor and shakes?
A nervous wreck.
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What kind of animal can jump higher than a fifty foot wall?
All of them. Fifty foot walls can’t jump.
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What do you get when cross a potato with a sponge?
I don't know, but one thing's for sure, whatever it is, it can hold a LOT of gravy!
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En un cerrito, habia un viejito, con tres pelitos, en el culito? Quien es?
(If you speak Spanish and can answer this one, please enlighten us all!)

Hope you all had a laugh...even if it was a pity laugh. :)

Takin' it down a notch.

Let's be unserious for awhile.

If you read my blog, I want you to comment (either on the blog or on Facebook), with your favorite corny joke. Then, I will post them all here so we can have a corny laugh, a pity laugh, or just an all-out belly laugh (if you like corny jokes, that is).

I'll start.

Why did the cowboy ride the horse into town?

Because he was too heavy to carry.

Your turn.

Nothin' Much

Wish there was something exciting to tell you, but there isn't, so I'll just ramble for a little bit until I get tired of typing.

We bought a guest bed yesterday. We got a steal of a deal on a queen-sized mattress, box springs, and frame for $330! Just so you know, this is a GREAT deal. I had no idea how pricey beds were! Dave's mom and aunt bought us our bed when we got married, so we had no clue how much one can spend on such items. We're super grateful that we didn't have to spend too much. We're setting up the bed in the corner of the sunroom for the many guests we hope to entertain. We've never had a guest room before...I guess we still don't...it's more like a guest corner. :)

We bought a few things to make it more homey--nightstand/bookcase, alarm clock, lamp, bedskirt, new pillows. Everything was priced low, so that helped us keep costs low. Sad thing is that we don't have a truck, so to get the bed to our house, we had to pay $100 for delivery. Believe it or not, a Uhaul wasn't any cheaper! We thought for sure it would be. Nope.

I am researching decorative screens to divide the room up and provide the guests with a little privacy. They are not cheap. For the size we need, we'll probably spend anywhere from $150-$200! I don't want to do a curtain b/c I think it will look tacky. It would probably save money, but man, it would be a price to pay on my eyes. :)

Sam and I played Uno today. I totally helped him the whole time. I think if we play a little more, he'll start to understand the strategy a little more. He's got the basics down, but he doesn't understand strategy at all yet. We also read Chapter 1 of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. He told me he wants us to go buy a wardrobe so he can visit Narnia and become a Narnian. He also said that he doesn't really want to go to another world because he would miss me too much. He'll just stay here in this world with me. I have a feeling I may have to remind him of this in a few years.

We are still van-shopping and church-shopping. I know that sounds awful, but it is the truth--church shopping, I mean. We haven't said what we're doing this week. Last week was fairly horrendous. I'm being dramatic, but it wasn't what we were hoping for. I'm thinking we're just going to have to be weirdos at a church where we don't fit in. Perhaps that is the plan. We're still waiting for peace.

We're going to a Chamber of Commerce meeting tonight. Free food. No cooking. It's a winner, folks!

Have a nice evening, and let me know what you think about satellite TV--Dish Network or DirectTV? Those are our two options if we want ANY channels. And, is it worth the HD upgrade on the receiver and DVR?

Things We've Been Doing

It's raining. Drenching kind of rain, you know? It's actually slowing down as I type. The kids are BORED. I've packed away a lot of things, so it is forcing us to be creative. Yesterday, I started to make lunch, and I realized we didn't have any bread. Dave also had the car. So, the kids ate a low-carb lunch with ham and turkey, pears, and carrots. Then, Sam and I made bread.

I found this recipe online, and I LOVE IT. I am not a bread-making pro and would appreciate some tips on kneading the dough and getting it to rise (I don't have a bread machine anymore, and don't plan on buying one...I also don't own a Kitchenaid mixer with a dough blade...AND my food processor dough blade is a wimp, so yes, I need tips on how to do it by hand.). That was the longest parentheses ever, I'm pretty sure.

Anyway. Aside from all that hullabaloo, the bread actually turned out alright. It uses half whole-wheat flour and half white flour, but there are directions for making it 100% whole-wheat. I only had enough wheat flour for the original recipe. It is delish.

See?

Maryn painted some watercolors in her Dora paint book, but Sam wasn't having it. So, I told him to make a game. I gave him a pack of round garage sale stickers, some paper, scissors and a pen. Not sure how to play just yet, but I'm sure (positive) the rules will change 100 times.

Then, Maryn wanted something NEW to do. So, I gave her scissors and an old magazine to cut pictures out of. That lasted 3 minutes. I'm not kidding. In fact, now, she is sitting on the floor huffing and puffing and won't tell me what she needs/wants.

And this book was a godsend. My Great-Aunt Kathy gave it to Maryn for her birthday. It's been delightful to read to the kids. It has all the great Seuss stories in it.

I'm washing diapers. Lucy is supposed to be napping. I just found her gnawing on the crib bar...wondering if more teeth may pop through soon.

Dave gets off early today, and we're going on our date later. We're torn between seeing "Up" without the kids or seeing "Angels and Demons". We were both disappointed with "The Da Vinci Code". It could have been SO much better. It didn't do the book justice. I'm speaking from merely an artistic point of view--the content is fairly deplorable. But..."Angels and Demons" will more than likely be at its best on a big screen...hmmm....any recommendations?

I did get everything on Craigslist and Freecycle. I've had several inquiries and promised pickups. We'll see.

Now Maryn is all-out crying and REFUSES to communicate with me. Does anyone have any tips for the stubborn child who has the vocabulary of a much older child but refuses to talk when she is upset???? Well, I just discovered...she has a fever, and an ugly throat. Waiting for Dave to call back...hope it isn't strep.

Off to make lunch!

The I Did List

I've not had a lot to say lately. A rarity, to be sure! What have I been doing? I'm assuming you're on the edge of your seat.

I like lists, so here goes:

1. Reading my book club book--Goodnight, Mr. Tom by Michelle Magorian. This book is fabulous, and I'm sad I didn't get to talk about it with my book club on Saturday. It's sad and wonderful all wrapped up into one.

2. Playing a video game--"The Legend of Crystal Valley". I'm down to playing in five minute increments courtesy of Yahoo! Games. It's okay. It gives me good reasons to stop playing. I've mentioned before on my former blog that I enjoy video games. I know this is weird for a lady. It's fun.

3. Watching movies--I watched "Tootsie" the other night. I remember watching it on TV as a kid, but I didn't even remember the plot. Well, I got it from the library, and it is rated PG on the box. I swear (no pun intended) that it would be rated R now b/c of the language. The "F" word was used more than once, and I know that you can only use it once in a PG-13 right now and certainly NOT in a PG. Maybe our movie ratings are better than they used to be? I also have "Ladies in Lavender" waiting for me. Dave is not thrilled. LOL. I also watched "Bridget Jones' Diary" instantly on Netflix while Dave was gone. It's pretty raunchy, sadly. The thing I loved the most was that it is a trashy parody of Pride and Prejudice...and the character of Mark Darcy is played by none other than Colin Firth! For those of you out of the loop, Colin Firth played Mr. Darcy in the BBC production of P&P.

4. Wearing my hoodie in the mornings. It has been a tad chilly.

5. Wanting to sew badly and refusing myself the luxury. I can't do it right now. It makes too much of a mess, and I don't need to be doing that! I've run across some delightful ideas, though. I hope I don't forget them...

6. Trying to savor our last little bit of time here. I'm going to miss our church family so much. It's home, and it will be sad to leave. I will miss the folks from residency too. Trying not to think too long or hard about graduation.

7. Praying for lots of babies, but especially THIS ONE.

What are you doing?