Dear Fellow Mom,

You ask me a lot how I manage to do it all.  You ask me how on earth I have enough time to do the things I enjoy.  You tell me you don't know HOW I do it.  And sometimes, you call me a *cringe* "supermom."

I think you say these things because you feel like you can't keep up.  I think you are comparing our lives based on the bits you see on Facebook.  I think you feel like you are not as good a mother because you're not doing what I'm doing.  And I get it because I've done the same thing.

I'm here, writing this, to tell you something:

You are deceived.

You only see a smidgen of my life, of her life, and of their lives.  You compare the whole truth of your life to only a smidgen of truth of everyone else's lives.  Some of us let more hang out on Facebook than others--I prefer to be more positive because there is so much negative being blurted out into Cyber-Land-Of-No-Consequence.  I try to be real, but you don't seem to notice those posts, just the ones where I actually accomplished something.  Either way, I can't (and won't) show my whole life on Facebook.  You're not getting the full picture, and because you're comparing your whole to my part, you are deceived.  And I get it because I've been deceived about the same things, "Can you believe how cute her bedroom is?  I still haven't decorated mine and we've lived here over three years!"  "How in the world does she have time to ___________________ with 12 kids?"  "Did she say she was making soap?"

I don't do it all.  In fact, I pay people to help me do some of it.  I thank God that at this very difficult stage in my life (5 kids between ages 2 and 8, two homeschooled, one busy middle child, and 2 year old destructobot twins) that He has made provision for me to have helpers who help clean my house and laundry and who help watch my middle child and twins while I focus on teaching my older children.

My kids also don't do it all.  They aren't involved in a lot of activities.  The older two take piano lessons once a week.  That's it.  One hour of outside activities (excluding church, but we go as a family) is all I can manage.  I don't have to taxi them to practices or games or to school or to clubs.  I cannot do this.  You may be doing this for all I know, and you know what--good for you!  You're doing something I'm not doing!!!

I put my kids to bed by 8pm so I can have a break in the evenings, time to focus on my husband, to watch a show online with him, to crochet, to read.  I've created moments of space for myself.  I encourage you to find some time in your day where you can take deep breaths and do something you enjoy.  For me, I try to do something during naptime--today, I want to sew something.  I will either include my kids in the process or shoo them away to play with one another or independently.

Sometimes I take naps during naptime because I am exhausted.  I bet you're exhausted too.  Some things can wait--dishes, laundry, etc--sometimes you just need a nap!

I want you to know something: I'm not perfect.  I don't have it all together.  I'm not a supermom.  My house isn't sparkly clean.  My children aren't bathed every day (...or even every other day...).  My books get read a page at a time, sometimes.  My kids are having to learn to play together because I can't entertain them 24/7.  Sometimes we scrap dinner and go out.  Sometimes I yell.  Sometimes I cry.  Sometimes I stand in awe of moms who work outside the home and then come home and try to cram the rest of their responsibilities into the next few hours.  Sometimes, I ignore the house, the laundry, the kids and just do what I want to do.  Sometimes, I sit on the couch and have kids sitting all over me while we impatiently wait for Daddy to come home. Sometimes I read to my kids and try to teach the middle child her ABCs (and most of the time, I am asking the big kids to read to the little ones so I can load the dishwasher and tell the poor middle child that she's only four, and I will teach her tomorrow).

The truth is this: we're more alike than you think.  We all do what we gotta do, so instead of endlessly trying to measure up to this incomplete picture that social media makes possible, let's cheer one another on to love and good deeds so that people will praise God.  The truth is that we are sisters, and we have strengths and weaknesses, and NONE of us are perfect.  NONE of us have it all together.  I'm no supermom--she's false; she doesn't exist, and she doesn't need Jesus moment by moment like I do.  So let's throw off this yoke of bondage to perfectionism, people-pleasing, and performance-based living and just love each other.  Did you like those three P's?

You are loved, fellow mom, just as you are.

Love,
   Amanda

Could It Be?

Have I returned to the bloggerland?

Probably not.

But this was a good deal--$10 off coupon for embedding a Christmas card onto my blog.  I'll take it.

Monogram Of Snowflakes Holiday Card

Click here to browse Shutterfly's holiday card collection.

View the entire collection of cards.

Consider yourself greeted. Merry Christmas!

'Tis the Season NOT for Blogging!

I wish I had time to blog. I haven't even had time to read blogs. How life changes when you have lots of kids!!!





Our Christmas tree is up and decorated. This means that the twins are getting a lot more pack and play time. :) We are using our Way of Light Advent Wreath from the Voskamp family along with the Advent Calendar I made last year. I love anticipating Christmas Day with my family.




What do you do for gifts for your kids? Dollar limit? Gift limit? No gifts? Stocking stuffers? We generally give our kids three gifts each and stocking stuffers. I am curious if anyone has given less to their kids and given more to the poor? We would love to head in this direction, but we are not sure our kids would get it or appreciate the altruism especially since they have not placed their faith in Christ yet.


Would love your kind feedback.

Merry Christmas!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Blogging? Oh...yeah, I used to do that...

I have thought about blogging.  But not for more than a nanosecond.

The truth, the sad, sad, truth is that I have finally come to a time in my life where I sincerely do not have the time for it!  It was easier when my big kids were little and there were only three of them.  Now that there are five of them and two of them are homeschooling, I have found that I have very little time for anything but life.

I have a house helper, Gemma, who comes to help me a couple of days a week, and she helps with the house and the kids and really whatever I need her to do.  But I am STILL BUSY all day long.  It's weird.  But hey, at least my house looks better than it did, and I am thankful for being able to focus on the kids more than the housework.

I know a lot of people do it alone, and I applaud them.  I suppose I could do it, but I wouldn't be very nice. I'm pretty certain of that.  That's where we were headed about a month ago.  People who have twins will understand me when I say that it really is harder with twins.  Pulling the "twin card" is my new normal.  But honestly, there is no other explanation (except that I may just be crazy???).  So, if I pull the "twin card" with you, just smile and nod and pray for me!

Sam is doing well in school.  I know, not a big surprise!  He's super smart and very inquisitive and thoughtful.  Maryn is also excelling in school and enjoying it so much.  She really loves to be doing her schoolwork.  Sam and Maryn have been spending their free time building a "circus" out in the yard with old firewood.  It's so cute.

I decided to start trying to pottytrain Lucy again.  She will be three in 12 days, and my other two kids did well at 3.  She is no exception.  She had success for two days in a row with a couple of accidents, and then today, she has peed in the potty three times, pooped once, and so far, has had no accidents today!  She is gaining confidence and excitement, and I'm so proud of her.  It really is best to wait until they're ready.

Felix is jabbering a lot.  He also likes to carry toys around in his mouth while he crawls around.  He looks like a puppy.  He is so cute.  I swear he can say "dog."  He is doing well with baby food and some table food.

Milo is starting to screech a lot.  He is also trying to walk.  He's taken many steps, but he usually has to be coaxed.  He is gaining a lot of weight too and looking so cute and chubby.  He LOVES to eat.  I think it is his favorite thing to do.

Both babies are sleeping in their own room.  They aren't sleeping through the night, but at least they're in their own room and Dave and I don't have to tiptoe anymore.

We took a vacation to Oklahoma City and Tulsa and then Northwest Arkansas.  It was exhausting but fun. Maybe someday, I will think about uploading some pictures.  Well, Milo sounds sad, so I better go, but that is what is going on in our lives.  Hopefully, I can find more time for this, but right now, it isn't looking like it!

Recommendations for Twins

I currently know four people in my circle of friends who are having twins!  In thinking about what it was like to be pregnant with twins, I thought it might be a blessing for them to know how I did it.  Of course, they may not care, and that's okay too, but just in case they want advice from someone who is a few steps ahead, here are some recommendations based on my experience.

1.  If you're breastfeeding, get this nursing pillow.  It is great.  Once I had them latched on, I was hands-free!  It's awesome.  It is generous in size, and I have used it from the time I got home with the boys.  Now, my boys were term and Felix weighed 6 lbs 12 oz, and Milo weighed 7 lbs 5 oz, so they were not teeny tiny preemies.  This may not work for you until they get bigger if yours end up coming early.  But I love it, and STILL use it and my boys are 9 months old.

Double Blessings Twin Nursing Pillow (stock photo from doubleblessings.com)

2.  I wanted a lightweight, inexpensive double stroller.  Another twin parent recommended a side by side as one twin may not like being behind the other and want to be able to see out.  This sounded reasonable.  You can spend as much as you want on a stroller.  Evaluate what you'll use it for.  I knew I would use mine either for a walk on a track, the mall, the zoo, or running errands.  I would not be jogging with it, so I knew I could buy something cheaper and not as awesome.  Plus, I live on a gravel road off of a state highway, so I knew I wouldn't be strolling regularly.  I went with the Jeep double umbrella stroller, got it at stroller.com for $70 in May with free shipping.  The sunshades are a joke, but I have been pleased with the stroller for the price.

Jeep Wrangler Twin Sport Umbrella Stroller (photo courtesy of stroller.com)

3.  Nutrition is the MOST important component of managing a twin pregnancy.  This book was amazing, and I attribute my healthy outcomes both to God and to following the high protein diet in this book.

When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads: Proven Guidelines for a Healthy Multiple Pregnancy


4.  Schedule help.  Dave was able to be home with us for two weeks.  50% of twins are born by c-section, so having help is even more imperative.  Regardless of how you birth your twins, you MUST rest for a month afterwards if at all possible.  My midwife, who provided me with nutrition and breastfeeding advice, said I needed to sleep as much as possible for the first month--no housework--just sleep, eat, and nurse the babies.  I have three older children under the age of 6.  I did not know how this was going to work, especially after Dave went back to work.  So, I made a calendar and divided the days he wouldn't be here into two sections: 8am-12pm and 1pm-5pm.  People would mention in passing, "I'd love to help you when the babies come" or "Just let me know how I can help."  So, I made sure that I got all their names written down along with their phone numbers, emails, and times they were available to help.  Then, each week, I would contact people to fill in those time slots.  Making them 4 hr time slots seemed more doable and less overwhelming for people, and praise God, I only ever had to be alone with all 5 children TWICE in that first month.  I didn't have a full day alone with all of them until the beginning of February.  I got plenty of rest.  They watched the older children, made them lunch, fed them snacks, helped pick up around the house, made me lunch, helped me change and burp the twins.  It was amazing.  I would not have made it without my team of helpers that first month!  Don't be afraid to ask for help.  You cannot and should not try to do this alone.  It will keep you from getting depressed and overwhelmed.

5.  Freeze meals.  I had two weeks of meals that were brought to my home by friends and church members.  But, I knew that eventually, the meals would stop.  So, about a month before the babies were due, my friend, Tina, came over and helped me put a bunch of meals in the freezer.  For two weeks, I bought two of everything and made double of every meal and froze half.  By the time the twins came, I had 17 meals in my freezer.  I have a LARGE freezer, but I also have a small deep freeze.  You can get a small deep freeze for about $150.  It's worth it.

6.  If you can afford it, hire a housekeeper.  I hired Miss Emelyn about a month before the twins came.  She and her sister or her niece come every other week.  She does anything I need her to do--dishes, laundry, all cleaning, help with the kids or the babies.  They are amazing.  I would not make it without them.  I recently had to clean my house (all the way) by myself while they were on vacation.  I survived it, but I was super overwhelmed by all that I had to do.  I knew that hiring her was cheaper than therapy! I also love having her around; she is a blessing to our family.

7.  And, if you can do this, it will make everything better--keep your twins on the same feeding and napping schedule.  Ours is not hard core or strict, by any means, but they ALWAYS eat at the same time, and I lay them down for naps at the same time.  This has given me the time I need to rest and recharge and to homeschool my older two children.  This was by far one of the best decisions I have made.

I hope you find all of this helpful, and if you have any other questions, please don't hesitate to ask.  Your twins will bless you more than you even know!!!