Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Corny Jokes and a Spanish Riddle

So a panda walked into a cafe and much to the shock of the patrons went right up to the counter and demands a meal. The waiter was stunned, first that a panda can even talk, but even more that he was wanting to be served a meal there. Uncertain of what proper protocol may be, the waiter refused insisting that this just wasn't done. The panda argued saying this was in fact true to nature and if they didn't understand they could look him up in a dictionary. Frankly, pandas are big frightening creatures so the waiter conceded, thinking that it was best just to go along with it.

The panda enjoyed his appetizer, his entree, and finally his dessert, something with ginger in it according to some witnesses. The waiter went above and beyond the call of duty to make him feel welcome, partially out of curiosity and partly out of concern for the other guests. After a waft of his napkin and a hearty sigh, the panda stood took out a gun and simply shot the waiter dead.

The panda casually began to walk to the door to leave, but was stopped by a crowd of patrons who in astonishment of the whole scene forgot about their fear. Shouts rang out and everyone demanded to know why the panda had just shot the one person who had worked so hard to help him. His simple reply as he left the cafe, "I’m a panda. It's what I do."

The crowd was stunned and silence filled the space over the dead waiter's body for a few moments until rumbles of questions rose. Should they call the police, animal control, the zoo? Why this cafe, this waiter? The words of the panda haunted one man who remembered his own briefcase... a dictionary was in his possession. Could it really be that simple?

Panda - PANDA: a large bear with origins in Asia; Eats shoots and leaves.

Q: What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?
A: "Wa-taaaaaaa!!!"

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Chugga chugga.
Chugga chugga, who?
Chugga chugga chugga chugga WHOOO WHOOO!

Why did the pirate get his ear pierced?
It was a buccaneer.

Why is it un-biblical to fly?
Jesus said, "Lo, I am with you always."

What did the Zen Master say to the hot dog vendor?
"Make me one with everything."

What lies on the ocean floor and shakes?
A nervous wreck.

What kind of animal can jump higher than a fifty foot wall?
All of them. Fifty foot walls can’t jump.

What do you get when cross a potato with a sponge?
I don't know, but one thing's for sure, whatever it is, it can hold a LOT of gravy!

En un cerrito, habia un viejito, con tres pelitos, en el culito? Quien es?
(If you speak Spanish and can answer this one, please enlighten us all!)

Hope you all had a laugh...even if it was a pity laugh. :)


  1. you don't want to know the Spanish one, it's not very funny and it's more of a limerick

  2. Your last line made me laugh, too. I heard Caleb say this to Grace this morning: "Why did the PIG cross the road?" "Because he wanted to be SQUASHED." **groan**

    Random question:Have you read any good books lately?


  3. HA! Lamar and I love the Bruce Lee one. PC volunteers have gotten a good laugh off that one this week.

    And....we even translated that one into Portuguese....kind of!! ;)

  4. spanish speaking friend filled me rhymes in spanish so it's cute but in english it's just silly...The was a pig, a little old man, with 3 hairs and a butt! LOL


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