I Need YOUR Expertise!

I am contemplating spending a day in the kitchen (hopefully with some friends) cooking and freezing meals to fill my freezer for the zombie days ahead. It's not really an apocalyptic thing, I just know that the friends delivering meals thing won't last forever. Sigh.

So, here's what I need from YOU:

• Any food freezing tips
• What kind of containers do you use?
• Do you thaw food prior to cooking it or do you cook it frozen?
• What about soups? How do you thaw/reheat those?
• Is it better to have completely cooked a meal before freezing it or partially?
• Anything else you can think of?
  
• How long should a meal stay in the freezer?
• Any special products that have made food freezing better for you?

I am not much of a food freezer. We typically eat leftovers for days if a meal made too much for us. I am hoping to start freezing those leftovers as well to add to our stores (plus I'm a little tired of leftovers!). I have cooked up ground meat and frozen that ahead of time as well as onions, peppers, that sort of thing.

Any advice in this department is appreciated!!!!

What We're Doing

What we're doing about Halloween:

We aren't the celebratory type when it comes to scary stuff, so we are buying some candy, stuff for s'mores, and we're building a bonfire in our yard. We're gonna veg out with our kids and make ourselves a little sick with sweets. You are welcome to join us.

What we're doing about getting ready for babies:

We are buying a bunch of stuff. We haven't registered anywhere--too much hassle. We've got our carseats which is huge. We are contemplating having them in the pack and play in our room, but it won't fit well on the side of the bed. Anyone want to make me a cradle? I didn't want to pay $150 for a bassinet. Will be checking into co-sleepers as a cheaper alternative. I've got sheets, mattress pads, towels, washcloths. What do we need? Clothes. And I need to buy the rest of the cloth diapers I will need. I'll use disposables until they're about 8-9 lbs. I guess we need those too.

What we're doing for my birthday?

Ask Dave. He better come up with something good. :) Look out 31.

And Lucy's birthday???

I'm planning a party for her a few days before OUR birthday. Yes, we share our birthday. So, party for her, and I get Birthweek 2010.

What we're doing for Thanksgiving:

Dave's mom and grandma are coming to cook. Dave is on call. I plan on watching the parade.

What we're doing about Sam's Christmas Birthday:

Well, it all depends on when these boys arrive. I would like to have a party for Sam with some of his friends a few weeks before Christmas. I'll be 37 weeks on Dec. 23rd, so I could have babies by Christmas Day or maybe not! I have no clue. This one is being played by ear. As is Christmas. I am planning on a fake tree this year because it may be a while before we're able to take one down. :)

What we're doing about Christmas gifts:

I don't know. We're thinking donations to charities in people's names. We did this one year before, and we didn't get much reaction...don't know if that was good or bad! Whatever we do, it's gotta be simple.

What we're doing about staying sane:

We are taking life one day at a time--with as much pre-planning as possible! :) No, really, we are not worrying and fretting over how things are going to go once our darlings are born. We are learning to be content and trust our Father to provide what we need in terms of help and sleep and childcare. We are trying to enjoy our time with our three children before life gets crazy. We are hoping we can stay focused on our Father and His love in the midst of all of these changes. He has been so good and faithful and kind to us, and we are so thankful for Him.

4 Loads of Sick Laundry...and counting.

This week has been exhausting. I had an appointment with the OB on Thursday which entailed a 10 hour day for the kids and me. All is well. My iron and glucose are fine, the babies are growing fine, and there is nothing alarming going on. The highlight of the day was hanging out with my college friend, Amanda. It was fun to be with her if only for a little bit. I love that about old friends--you don't have to try; they already know you!!! Plus, she taught me some knitting, and that is great.

Lucy got a stomach bug at 1:30 Saturday morning. She was sick again at breakfast yesterday, and again at breakfast today. I wish it would go away!!! Other than those times, she's been fine--a little sleepy, but fine. I slept several hours yesterday. I don't know if I was catching up or what. I busted my tail getting the house cleaned up for my brother-in-law and sister-in-law who were going to come for a visit, but then when Lucy got sick, they couldn't come. I think I overdid it. I feel much better today. So far! I am hoping and praying no one else gets sick. I have little energy anyway right now, and like most people, Dave has to go back to work on Monday!

So, here's to a quiet day at home! I hope we all can rest and stay healthy.

Oh, the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus!

I've been thinking about sorrow and grief multiple times over the last month. I've had three friends miscarry their sweet babies, and hearing that news just never gets easier.

It's also been on my mind a lot because the baby I lost would have been due this week. I've thought so many times about how I would have been close to delivery, eagerly anticipating his/her arrival, and our lives would be changed again. Watching my friends walk through the journey without me has not been easy; in fact, it has just sucked. I certainly wish no ill will on anyone, and I am happy for them; it's just hard to watch them knowing that I won't get to experience that with the baby I lost. I think I am in the final stage of grief, and I think this too shall pass as this date passes me by.

I miss that little baby, conceived in love and commitment, created for a purpose. I was honored to be his/her mommy for just a short amount of time. But, I'm still sad. Even with two wiggly boys in my womb right now, I still feel the loss of that precious one. Just because I was able to conceive again doesn't mean that the love and memory of that precious one has been erased. I will never forget that sweet child.

Last night, after hearing of another friend miscarrying, I began thinking of Jesus, dying on the cross, becoming sin for us and carrying our sorrows. Isaiah 53 says,

3 He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

⁴ Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.

⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

Jesus, the Son of God, the Son of man, understands the grief and sorrow that comes with loss of a child. Because of His great sacrifice on the cross, He acquainted himself with these very griefs. He experienced ALL of it on the cross. He is the ideal one to carry us through the grief and sorrow ourselves. I am so thankful for this beautiful gift--one who can understand perfectly what I am going through because He has ALREADY CARRIED IT for me. I can lean on Him and trust Him in my sorrow.

Occasionally, I will still have a sad moment, but through it all, the overwhelming and predominant feeling in the midst of sorrow has been JOY. JOY in Him--that He loves me, that He would carry my burdens, that He is my strength, that He is my hope. I pray that my friends experience this Deep, Deep, Love of Jesus. I pray that they are touched by His Joy and can be filled with it in the midst of their own sorrow.

We are healed by His stripes. We are whole in Him. We lack nothing. We have everything. All will be restored. All will be made new. Praise Him!!!

The Rundown (no, not that horrible movie with The Rock)

I wish I had something amazing and exciting to talk about.

I don't.

Sorry.

So, I guess you just get a rundown of what I did last week.

• I cooked.
  
• I cleaned.
  
• Dave cleaned my floors, and I feel like our house is sparkling.
  
• I reorganized my craft shelf and got rid of a bunch of fabric.
  
• I made a skirt for Maryn.
  
• I finished a sweater for my friend Nicole's son, Calvin.
  
• I repaired two stuffed animals.
• I took my kids to the park twice.
• I played miniature golf, and my son almost beat me (he got two holes-in-one).
• I got to see my good friend, Elizabeth, on Saturday for a couple of hours.
• We had Nicole's family over for supper and s'mores last night. Though, our smores had to be made in the toaster oven because it started raining during dinner, and we have an electric stove and a capped fireplace. They were still good.
• When I cleaned out the craft shelf, I discovered a few unfinished projects. I'm working on an afghan as a gift, and that darned old advent calendar is STILL waiting for me. My friend's mom gave me hers to use as a pattern, so I'm starting from scratch with that. Forget the old one. There is also a pile of bibs waiting to be sewn. I may or may not get to those this century.
  
• We got doughnuts for snacks one day.

All in all, it was a pretty fun week. Dave and I are finishing up Season 5 of Lost this week. We have the season finale, and then we can move on to Season 6. I'm ready to be done!!! I have enjoyed the story immensely, but I'm ready to have some closure.

I believe it is time for me to do mundane chores. I hope your day is blessed and filled with lots of laughter.

Last Trip (for awhile)

We made our last trip of my pregnancy this past week. I am to the point already (at 18 weeks) where riding in the van for extended periods of time is very uncomfortable. Some of our good friends from residency were in Tulsa because of a death in their family. We wanted to be sure to see them while they were in town because it has been a year since we saw them last, and we won't see them for another year and a half or so. They are missionaries in Kenya, and it was GREAT to see them and their children. It is so surreal sometimes to think about them being overseas; someday, I will feel that way about us being overseas!

We were able to visit with a lot of people, but there were still so many that we didn't get to see! It's so hard to not be able to see EVERYONE. But, I trust we saw those that we needed to see this trip. We were so blessed by our hostess, Jan, and by the many families who cooked for us. We are so thankful for the time people made in their schedules for us.

The kids got to swim several times and had a blast. They love going to Tulsa. They always hate to leave. :)

Now that we're back home, we are prepared to settle in and stay put. The babies are coming in Dec/Jan, and I have a feeling it will be months before we're brave enough to attempt a road trip with 5 children (2 of them babies!). So, here's to being a homebody and being content!

So, if you miss us, come visit! :)

I have an ultrasound today as well as my doctor's appt. I am looking forward to seeing the boys (I will be surprised if Baby A is a girl. Very surprised.) I will certainly let you know if it changes!

I must move on with my day. I have too much to do to sit here any longer!

Solving Amanda

I first want to say that this post is not directly at anyone in particular. It is merely an introspection into who I am and figuring out what is okay and what is not.

I am a strong personality. I am assertive in arguments. I desire resolution--immediately. I am organized (in my own way). I prize efficiency above many other things. I like punctuality. I am intentional.

I take initiative.

These aren't bad qualities, though they can rear an ugly head when not used in a positive spirit. What I have been considering recently (and many times over the years), is that I take initiative in most of my relationships. What I'm trying to figure out is if it is my fatal flaw (yes, a bit arrogant comparing myself to a Byronic hero).

Do I take initiative more out of my desire and value of relationships or out of a needy place in my life?

Do I initiate conversations because I'm lonely or because I value the relationship?

Why does this seem to be a pattern in my life? Are others just letting everyone else initiate their relationships? Or am I just such a strong personality that I don't give them a chance to do so? Do my friends take me for granted? I often wonder what would happen if I stopped taking initiative.

It seems in so many of my relationships that I am the one who takes the initiative to hang out, to call on the phone, to travel, to visit. If I were to stop, would my friends still be my friends? Would we hang out? Would we talk?

I don't know why I am this way. I am really soul-searching here trying to figure out why I give SO much in my friendships. I want to see if there is something broken in me that Jesus needs to heal. I don't want to be unhealthy in my friendships. I want to make sure that me taking initiative is out of value rather than brokenness. Do I need to set boundaries for myself in this?

I'm not looking for answers from my readers. I am just verbally processing what is going on in my head. Please don't feel a need to counsel me or try to make me feel better about this. I'm not upset, just curious. I pray for Holy Spirit insight into my own heart which He knows better than I.

Couch to 5k--Pressing Forward!

Week 5 has not been horrible yet. Yesterday's run was completed on a fairly flat track in town, so I did not have to contend with the steep hills this time. I ran 6 min, walked 5 min, ran 6 again, and walked 8 (I got too far from my starting point and had to walk extra). I ended up going 2.08 miles. I was tired, and it was hard, but it felt good.

My kids have too much stuff. They seem to not be able to take care of or pick up their toys without there being discipline involved. I am seriously considering getting rid of 90% of their stuff. Someone, please convince me otherwise. :)

Looking forward to a delicious dinner tonight--homemade salsa and chips, seasoned black beans, summery salad, and mexicali chicken. Mmmmm. And friends. New friends. Good times. I have nothing else to prattle on about...plus, I need to wash more dishes.

Day 17--Couch to 5K--Progress

Dave and I both got to run last night. We met some friends, Bryan and Nicole, at the park and took turns running. It was fun to hang out with friends and get our exercise in. The wind was a little out of control, but I think I did alright. One of my goals is to get my pace down. It seems like I struggle to keep it in the same spot, but I guess that's how it goes as you get more tired.

I went 1.26 miles (walked 5 min, ran 6, walked 5). I think my fastest pace was 9:17 min/mile.

I'm getting there. So can you! Have you started? How is it going?

I think my posture is better too. Isn't that great?

Dave and I are doing our strength training videos on rest days. Tonight is Abs, Chest, Back. Yea.

But, I need it. So I better stop complaining.

I'm really privileged to be able to do this. There have been seasons in my life (i.e. residency) when exercise outside of my home was next to impossible. I'm so thankful for this opportunity. And I'm loving it--the way it pushes me and makes me stronger. It's good and beautiful all wrapped up into one. I may talk more about that later.

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day!!! Are you doing anything special? I am! I am cooking St. Patty's Day food--Irish Soda Bread, Beef and Irish Stout Stew, and mashed potatoes and spring mix (for something green!). Don't forget to dress in your finest green attire!

My Journey from Legalism to Grace and How I Am Getting There

First of all, thank you for your continued prayers. Kathy is awake and off the respirator. Please pray for her spiritual and mental state right now. I can't elaborate as I have no details and I want to protect her privacy. Just pray that she will rest in Him and be at peace. I do not know any of the test results at this point.

Now, in reference to my title, I would like to provide a little map of how I came out of constricting and debilitating legalism into a spacious and gracious place. I first give God 100% of the credit. He was and is so faithful to meet me where I'm at. As I look back on my brief 30 years, I can see His hand carefully guiding and shaping me. And interestingly enough, He used other people to mold me--many of them regular people, but a few artists thrown in there. So, if you're wanting to move forward in freedom and grace in your Christian walk, here are some folks that God used in my life. You should google them. :)

1. Rich Mullins

You can't listen to Rich Mullins and feel unloved or unworthy. He so captures the heart of God in all of his music. If 80s music doesn't bother you too much, then you'll enjoy Rich. I have always called him a modern-day Apostle Paul. He'd probably laugh if he heard me say that. Seriously, though, the man knew Jesus (he died in a tragic car accident well over 10 years ago). If you want a good biography about him, check out _An Arrow Pointing to Heaven_ by James Bryan Smith. The book blessed me and gave me an even greater picture of who he was and what God had accomplished in his life.

2. Stephanie Thiemann

Now, I don't think Steph is up for discipling you because she lives in India right now, but she is great. Steph got the great job of showing me how legalistic I was and how self-righteous. Fun, huh? But seriously, she was great at it. I never felt condemned by her. Even when I hit my lowest point EVER, she never condemned me. She loved me through it. I've mentioned before the CRAZY prayer journals I used to keep. If you don't recall, they were really bad. I tried to keep each page even and pray with the ACTS method--one page of adoration, one of confession, one of thanksgiving, one of supplication--if I wrote two pages of one, then by George, I better do two pages of each. She told me to stop. That was HUGE. I stopped, and I haven't retreated back to the comfort of the ACTS method. It challenged my prayer life.

3. Waterdeep

This band is amazacrazy. You should check them out if you haven't already. They get it. They get Jesus' love and mission. They also have a great sound--very unique in the Christian arena. This ain't The Gaithers, friends. (Nothing against the Gaithers, I just don't like that kind of music). I really enjoyed their project with 100 Portraits "Enter the Worship Circle". Start there and then branch out into all their albums.

4. Dinah Fox

She has no idea the impact she had on me that summer. I will never forget it. We were sitting in a Sunday School class out in Colorado, and our teacher was being all seminary-like and our heads were swimming as we had no clue what he was talking about. She leaned over to me and said, "If all I ever knew was that Jesus loved me, that'd be enough for me." I had NEVER thought about that. Not that the pursuit of knowledge is evil or a waste of time, it's not. But, how often does our pursuit of it actually lead us to Jesus? If it doesn't lead us to Him, we should abandon it; it's lost its purpose. At that point, I knew I wanted people like Dinah in my life. People who were coming into an understanding of His great and unmeasurable love.

5. Brennan Manning

Dinah actually told me about him. She told me to read _The Ragamuffin Gospel_. It changed my life. I realized I was a beggar at Heaven's door, and Jesus loved me. Really loved me. You should read this book if you haven't. It's transformational.

6. Kristin Ross

Grace-filled woman of God. She talks really fast. And she listens hard. I was able to confess my sin to her without judgment. Through all my tears, she was there, loving me and encouraging me. She was like Dinah--safe. I knew she knew Him like I wanted to.

7. Jeremy Irvan

Jeremy loved me the way I was, and he wasn't afraid to tell me the truth. That's rare. I never felt condemned, but I did hear truth from him. I'll never forget it.

8. Kim Stephens

Loving. Gracious. Healing. Kim is a healer of souls. I believe God has gifted her this way. She nurtured me in one of my most vulnerable states, and I am grateful for the way she poured out her life on me.

9. Megan Dart

She has loved me through it all. Being persistently loved by people when you're unlovely is just so Godly. Megan has been that for me. She never threw in the towel--just like Jesus.

10. David Geidl, my husband

He sees me at my worst. He loves me still. His forgiveness and love have made marriage more beautiful. We're on this journey together, and it is exciting to see him moving on this same path. We encourage one another along the way. He's an oak of righteousness.

11. The Summit Church

They stepped outside the box. It was new for me. It was refreshing. I cherish the four years I spent there with that group of believers. If you're in a church where things refuse to change, you will not see much grace. I'm thankful that the Summit is a gracious body.

12. Marla Livers

Marla teaches me all the time. She is the kind of friend who'll get down in the mud with you and help you get out. She has suffered more than her fair share in life, but she NEVER minimalizes my suffering. She's a living example of God's grace.

13. Melissa Smith

She is my twin in personality. We both struggle with being rule-makers and rule-followers. But we're growing together. We've both changed a lot. But we are a beautiful picture of iron sharpening iron. It's awesome how God has used her to shape me. I can't imagine what kind of person I would be right now if we hadn't become friends.

14. Kathy Ruddick

It's hard to think about her being in the hospital and having suffered so much for the last three months. She is a mighty woman of God. She led me out of an intellectual prison into the freedom of the Spirit. She has never assumed a place of authority over me, but rather, she has served me endlessly always pointing me back to Jesus. "Why don't you pray about that, Amanda?" She always listens, but she knows Who has the answers.

15. Kaysie Steele

Kaysie told me once, when I was hitting a rough patch, "Sometimes, it's just life. It happens. The cause of it isn't really important." Kaysie has gone through so much, but she has such a good perspective on it. She's not blaming. She walks in grace with her family and her friends. You gotta love a woman with a good head on her shoulders.

16. Meredith Mayer

Pure in heart. Gracious. She knows her Father's voice. She is precious and encouraging. She brightens my days with her laughter, and her sincerity can't be beat. We haven't even known one another for a year, and yet, I feel like we've known one another for decades. She loves hard. That's important.

17. Donald Miller

Just read his stuff. He's great. He really captures faith in action--loving people practically.

18. W. Paul Young

Yes, the author of _The Shack_. I don't agree 100% with everything he says there, but this book was a catalyst for me spiritually. It set me on a path to become more aware of God's heart.

19. Wayne Jacobsen

_He Loves Me!_ is awesome. It builds on _The Shack_ in a more Scripture-saturated kind of way.

20. Danny Silk

_Loving our Kids on Purpose_ built on the two previous books (above). It translated for me how to parent like God. How to extend grace in parenting--it's valuable stuff.

21. David Crowder Band

"Church Music" is what I listen to most of the time. This album is so where I'm at right now. DCB is where it's at.

22. Believer's Church

This is a community of genuine folks who let it all hang out--good, bad, and ugly. They're beautiful people with a heart for seeing Jesus all over the world and into the hidden nooks and crannies of our lives. I love 'em.

What I find interesting about my journey is that my list is full of regular people that I have lived in community with at a point in my life. There are so many more people I could have added, but for space's sake, I added the ones that jumped right out at me as I chronicled my journey in my head. We were meant for community--meant to live together, loving one another as Christ loves us, extending His message of grace to those around us. It's beautiful stuff.

Sobriety Beats Cleverness Today

I was going to write something witty today. I was going to try to make you laugh.

But that's all down the toilet.

I just received some sobering news about my dear friend, Kathy. She is in the ICU, on a ventilator, and has been unconscious for an indeterminate amount of time. She has been ill for the last three months, and there haven't been a lot of answers for her. Please pray with me that what is hidden in her body will come to light--that the doctors will discover what has been making her sick for the last three months. Pray that she will be healed. Pray that her husband, Scott, will be comforted and empowered during this time.

Thank you.

And the Winner Is...

Christy!!!

"Cooking and baking new foods!"--is how she likes to make her house a home.

Let me say a few things about Christy. I have known Christy since the first grade.

Here we are in the first grade--the two girls holding the sign in the middle.

Christy and I had not seen one another in YEARS, and then we reconnected in the blog world a couple of years ago. I am so glad to be in touch with her. She is a beautiful woman with a sincere heart of worship. I am thrilled to be able to call her friend even after all these years!

So, I know you're all wondering...what is she going to get?

Well, I am going to make her a PURSE!!!

It will be in this style--I've made a couple of these, and I LOVE them.

I will confer with her about fabric choices, and I will post the final pictures when I am done with it!!!

Thanks for playing!!!

Book Club Read-A-Long

I started a book club. Well, I had considered it, and I didn't know who would be able to join in. A woman, Megan, that works with Dave said something on Facebook about wishing she were in a book club so she could discuss the books she was reading.

I LOVED my book club in Tulsa. Second Saturdays at Borders with a Cafe Mocha and good conversation--it was often a monthly highlight in my life. I loved the fellowship of other women, and I was always inspired by how well-read the ladies were. I wanted to replicate it here.

Surprisingly, Megan and I were able to round up several ladies who were interested. We had our first meeting on Saturday, and since then, I've been contacted by three other women who want to take part! Everyone's tastes are different, but it looks like we have a pretty swell reading list. AND, there are movies for most of the books we are reading (and some movies that will be released in the next year!). If you're interested in reading along, here is our list:

March 2010—Dear John by Nicholas Sparks

April 2010—The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne

May 2010—The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer

June 2010—The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold July 2010—The Choice by Nicholas Sparks

August 2010—The Help by Kathryn Stockett

September 2010—The Giver by Lois Lowry

October 2010—Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

November 2010—Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

December 2010—Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah

January 2011—Icy Sparks by Gwyn Hyman Rubio

March 2001—Les Miserables by Victor Hugo (Must Get Signet Classics UNABRIDGED, translation by Lee Fahnestock/Norman MacAfee)

Not bad, eh? I'm excited, and I sensed many of the other women are excited too. It's not just an opportunity to read and discuss literature. It's an opportunity to form friendships, develop community and go deeper. This is my heart's desire to see women find godly community. I'm so thankful to be a part of this group!

Melting Pot Post

I want to thank my many wonderful supportive friends for your kind comments and prayers. I feel very good right now, and I continue to rest in the grace of God. I also want to thank my parents for their constant support and love during this time. It means so much.

When I told my brother about losing my baby, he was sad, obviously. However, later he called me and said he and his wife would love to adopt a Haitian child. Dave and I would love to as well. Unfortunately, the process is not super easy right now. The Department of Homeland Security allowed Humanitarian Parole for Haitian orphans that were in process of adoption PRIOR TO the earthquake. It still will take some time to determine if the children that are in emergency foster care from Haiti are indeed orphans. The goal is to keep them in their families if at all possible. We will still continue to look into it.

Our friend, Mark, went to Haiti with a group of residents from Dave's program in Tulsa. I was really hoping he would bring me a Haitian baby in his carry-on. :) I kid...kind of.

Dave and I have always wanted to adopt. We still do. We are holding that open before the Lord and seeing where He takes us on this adventure. One thing that is important to us is to be debt free. I know there are varying viewpoints on this, and I am not here to debate it, but our goal is to not be beholden to anyone as far as money is concerned. This frees us up for giving and serving and adopting. Plus, we have a goal to go overseas long-term, and we don't want to have debt for that. I saw a stat from UNICEF that said there are 143-210 million orphans worldwide. That is 50%-70% of the US population. This is not an unachievable task. God is bigger.

We are open to adopting domestically or internationally. The way we see it, it doesn't matter so much where--just as long as we do it. Each child matters and is worth it.

I've heard people say in the past, "Well, you can have children of your own, why would you want to adopt?" Well, it is on the heart of God, so it is on our hearts as well. Our hearts have lots of room for children. We love our children dearly and desire more of them--why? Because bringing forth new life is a beautiful picture of what Christ does in us, the Church--He brings forth new life and makes us a new creation. We have cherished each of our children from the womb, but we would gladly cherish a child crafted in another woman's womb as well. We hold that before God and say, "We will serve You."

I truly do believe that if you follow Jesus, you need to be involved in caring for orphans--whether that means helping raise funds for others who are adopting, providing your home to foster children, being a foster respite worker relieving foster parents when they need a break, or adopting a child. There are so many great organizations to get involved with. One way Dave and I have cared for an orphan since we got married is through Compassion International. Our Rwandan daughter, Umutesi Constantine, was most likely orphaned during the Rwandan genocide in the early 90s. She lives with her aunt now, but we support her through Compassion. She will be 18 this year. She chose to follow Jesus last year. We hope to meet her one day and see her thriving because we supported her. We love how she calls us her "dear parents in the Lord". We really think of her as our own.

We have several friends who are involved in orphan care--one family in our town provides respite care for a foster mom. One of our friends adopted a son. Dave's brother and his wife adopted a daughter. Some friends in Tulsa are new foster parents, and another friend there is in process to become a foster parent. We have friends who adopted three daughters from China. We have many friends currently in the process of adoption--here are a few of them; feel free to support them if you can:

Mick and Gayla
Cameron and Jenny
Steve and Joanna

If you are in process of adopting and want me to add you to my list, let me know!

In other news, I am really enjoying my kids. We've hit a new stage, and it is so much fun. They keep us laughing most of the time. It is so great! Sam is learning stuff like crazy. He hit 5 and became a huge sponge. It is so cool to watch him--his drawings are amazing--especially the ones on the Etch-A-Sketch--his skills are far beyond mine, for sure! He is reading well. We're working on the necessary sight words. He's getting them. It was hard for him at first because he really wanted to sound them out. He's getting it, though.

Just in case you're wondering what I'm doing with him--last year, I bought a $15 Pre-Reading Hooked on Phonics kit at Target. It is great. It has three or four sets of flashcards, a CD with exercises on it, and books to work through along with a progress chart and stickers. I think it was the best $15 I ever spent. In fact, we are going to need more books soon!

Maryn is an actress. She is constantly re-enacting TV shows. She also tells Sam what lines he has to say. She is extra cuddly too, which we love!!! She is doing great on her letters. She still confuses a couple of them, but she's doing great. Her potty time is much better too. She seems to have gotten over the hump. I hope. :) She's still strong-willed (and will be forever, I guess), but our discipline really seems to be working. I can't say I adhere to any certain discipline philosophy, but I really love Love and Logic. It has helped a lot with her. She is also enjoying me teaching her daily tasks--like laundry sorting and folding sheets, towels, etc. She is a big girl.

Lucy is almost walking. She took a step last night. She gets so proud of herself. We love it! She babbles a lot. I know she wishes she knew more words--she gets frustrated sometimes. She knows some signs, but she won't use them. About 2 weeks ago, I started her on a high-caloric diet to beef her up. She was doing great until we transitioned to food. She really struggled with the transition, and her weight was affected. She's doing much better now, and I hope with this diet she will pack on the pounds! Do pray with us about this. We really want to see her gain some weight in the next 3 weeks. She's only nursing morning and night now. We'll see if she nurses as long as Maryn (17 months). She is so cute. Seriously. The cutest baby on the planet=my LuLu. She is so affectionate, and she is getting better about going to other people. She is trying to drop her morning nap. Already. Sam did the same thing, but he did it at 11 months. She still has quiet time in her bed in the mornings, and it is good.

I am so thankful for my sweet little family. I love each of them and how God is growing all of us. My biggest struggle is my house. I just don't like to clean. I'd rather play with the kids or read a good book! However, I really am trying to bless my family and bring peace to our home, so I am trying to keep it looking nice and clean. But, I still may hire someone to help with the harder stuff that I don't seem to have time for.

Well, if you made it this far, you are truly devoted to me. I appreciate it. Once again, thank you, my friends--the few of you who have stuck with me over the last four years of my blogging. I love you and appreciate your prayers and support. I am blessed.

I Know That My Redeemer Lives

I wanted to share something very near to my heart. I know this is a public forum. I know that not everyone who reads my blog is even known to me. Many of you are my friends in "real life", some of you are my friends in blogger-land, and then there are those who are like sisters to me though we haven't met (or met briefly!!!). Some of you may wonder why I haven't told you in person or on the phone--I don't know why--just don't take it personally--it's not an easy thing to talk about. I hesitated to write about it on here, but I really want my friends here to see God's grace and peace worked out in my life. I want them to see the way He takes care of his children. I miscarried last week. I was not very far along--not even 5 weeks.

We are sad, but we are not in despair. We so feel His grace and peace in this--I can't even describe it. Miscarriage is something I didn't know much about until I was married. I didn't realize how common it is. 10% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. So many more times, people miscarry and don't even know it (this is the more common statistic you see which is between 20%-33%). I've also noticed a lot of women don't talk about it. I understand why they don't want to talk about it. It sucks. It's hard. It is so personal and dear to our hearts--and it hurts to talk about it. However, I really feel like hearing these stories from other women helps others walk through it if they have to.

My dear friend, Marla, lost two babies after they were born. Watching her walk through that unspeakable grief empowered me in a way I didn't realize. Though she and her husband were devastated, their world did not end. They still loved God, still trusted Him, and came to a place of peace with their loss. I could see God's grace on her in her trials. I couldn't understand how she must be feeling, but I imagined how horrible it would be.

Miscarriage is something I have always feared and dreaded. In fact, each time I've been pregnant, I've found myself worrying about it or wondering when my turn would come (it was especially hard because I had SO MANY friends losing babies). When we discovered I was pregnant, it felt very surreal and honestly, I didn't feel good about it. I just felt like something wasn't right, and I did not have high hopes that this pregnancy would continue. I see His grace even in that intuition--it somehow prepared my heart. When I began miscarrying, I saw that it was the end--I would not hold my baby, and I would have to wait to meet him/her.

But, even in my sadness, I found comfort and peace in the arms of Jesus. He grieved with me. I do not believe this was His Will. His will is not for babies to die. It is not his will that sin and death rule. He did not design it this way. However, He does allow the effects of sin in the world to have their consequences. I don't know why He intervenes sometimes and not others. But I do know He is good. I know that He was weeping with me. I know His heart is grieved when we suffer.

But I also know that He is a redeemer!!!!

He will not allow our suffering to be wasted.

He will not leave something ugly. He will make it beautiful.

He can't help it--He loves to make all things new.

I totally trust Him. I totally love Him. I totally worship Him without reservation.

No matter what hard thing you have to walk through, know that He will redeem that in your life. He so wants to show you his mercy and grace in your time of need. He is good, and His mercy endures forever.

'Tis the Season to Be Making

Well, before you get your panties in a bunch and think for a second that I am a mom who does it all, let me first declare that my house is a disaster, I haven't fixed my hair in DAYS, and it's all I can do to feed my children. So, when you look at what I have accomplished, you won't feel like a slacker (as I often do when I assume that blogger moms have it ALL together)--because no one knows how to slack (especially when it comes to housework) quite like I do. For real, ask Dave.

During this time of year, it is hard for me to not make stuff. However, I realized that I prefer crocheting in the winter--not sewing. I think crochet is slow and relaxing and I can do it anywhere, whereas with sewing, I am stuck in front of my machine. Crochet is just more cozy. However, I have been sewing. I have had a few projects that were time-sensitive.

My dear friend, Vanessa, is leaving for Kenya the beginning of January. She, her husband, Kyle, and their three boys will be serving Jesus through medical mission work in a rural village. I wanted to give her something practical, so I told her I would make her some skirts to beef up her missionary wardrobe and to keep her cool. So, I have set out to finish them. I am halfway done--two down, two to go. I did not photograph them; I'd like them to be somewhat of a surprise. :)

My second sewing endeavor was to make a tree skirt. This year, we bought a live tree (something we've never done before). Our old tree skirt was WAY too small to fit around it, and it was pretty ugly. I searched high and low online for a free pattern, and I found this fabulous pattern on Citrus Holiday. I modified it some, but it is the same for the most part. I love it!!! I think mine reminds me a lot of Allsorts, Morgan Moore, and candy stores.

So, of course, we've also decorated for Christmas. It's pretty simple, and I think, very beautiful and colorful--just like our quirky family.

I've also been a bit culinary. Sam says I'm a good "maker" (his word for "cook", although sometimes he does call me a "cooker"). I've had fun making all kinds of treats over the past week. Yes, pictures will follow!

The first was peppermint syrup. I was browsing Craftzine, and I saw a link to this wonderful website (that I will be perusing for other ideas), Think Inside the Icebox. This syrup is great. I love Starbucks Peppermint Mochas. So, I thought I should make some syrup to have on hand. Of course, mine don't taste quite like Starbucks, but they sure are a nice substitute at home. The recipe for the syrup was simple, and I just picked up some chocolate syrup, half and half, and whipped cream to round out my dessert...errr...drink.

Last year, I made toffee, and the butter and sugar separated, leaving the chocolate with a fatty layer on top. It tasted fine, but it was not pleasant to look at. I thought I would do a little research to see where I went wrong, and I found another wonderful website, Cooking for Engineers. It was all explained with great directions and what to expect. My toffee turned out perfectly!!! It is SO good. You should definitely put this on your to-do list.

And, finally, I made the ever-popular party mix--Puppy Chow (the recipe I used called it "Muddy Buddies"). There are recipes for this all over. I used the one in my Betty Crocker Christmas Cookbook. The kids helped shake the bags with the powdered sugar. It is delish.

I am sorry for the long time between posts. I have been a bit preoccupied, but thankfully, there are several things to show for it! Now, there are gifts that need wrapping, so I am off to attempt that!

Merry Making!!!

Slowing Down

With all the madness and loveliness of my birthday, we managed to wear ourselves out. We traveled a lot, made messes in between our traveling, and now it is time to re-center and FOCUS.

My goal is to get back to normal as quickly as possible so that Thanksgiving can be relaxing. Yesterday, I had a long list of things to do. I didn't get to cross off many (just "shower" and "make grocery list and menu"). We did, however, manage to go to the store and get everything for the week and for Thanksgiving.

I love Thanksgiving food.

Today, Dave went back to work since his vacation is officially over. I love having him home, but if he is home, I don't get anything done. :) I'm glad we're all back where we belong. The house is slowly coming together. Our vacuum is dying. I saw smoke coming out of the bottom. It smelled funny.

I do not like having a canister vacuum. I miss having a bag that I can throw away 0r better yet--BURN (especially when we're having our yearly autumnal battle against Woodrow's fleas). I know that's not environmentally savvy, but it is one of those things that make my skin crawl. I would like your vacuum suggestions.

I have so many sewing and crafty projects in my mind and on my shelf. I need to get going. I keep hopping from project to project. I think my goal this year will be to finish THAT ADVENT CALENDAR I started two years ago. I made a mistake on it, and will essentially be starting from Step 2. Kind of hard to get motivated...but I'm also toying with the idea of inventing MY OWN advent calendar...if I do, perhaps there will be a tutorial to follow.

Do you guys do Advent Calendars? I love the one my friend, Cinthya, has--it tells the Christmas story or the significance of each symbol--all made of felt. I LOVE FELT.

So, here's to nesting and being at home!

I told Dave last night, "I wish that my house was always sparkling and that the kids would dance around me with daisy chains while I sewed." We giggled.

1979 was a good year.

The madness has continued. I have loved it all. Almost.

I got into a stinky mood while we were in the hotel room in KC. I just couldn't bear being cooped up in there during naptime. Naps never happened (as they don't in hotel rooms), so we ended up going out and working on some Christmas presents for the grandparents. I can't say exactly what we worked on because the grandparents read the blog. :)

We were able to go to IHOP (International House of Prayer) in KC and spend some time in the prayer room, worshipping with our brothers and sisters. It was truly a blessed time. Lucy had several people offer prayers for her--which was so special. I look forward to seeing those things materialize in her life.

We went out for dinner with some of my former students (now friends!), Tim and Anna. We took them to an Indian restaurant for their first Indian experience. The food took FOREVER and Maryn broke a plate, but it was some of the tastiest Indian food I've ever had. I think Tim and Anna enjoyed themselves.

We headed to NWA (Northwest Arkansas) for Lucy's birthday party with our families. It was fun and so good to see everyone. Lucy received a lot of clothes and some sweet little toys just for her (not ones she's inherited from her brother and sister). :) I also received some lovely presents. I am so blessed.

The blessings haven't stopped.

Dave distracted me on the way home, and took a detour to Ft. Smith where we stopped to stay the night with our friends, Brian and Megan. He tricked me! I was so glad he was able to...he slips up and I'm too nosy. Not a good combo for surprises! Our kids are having a blast playing with Alice's toys, and it has been fun to visit with our friends.

We leave here after lunch and head home where a few more things await...

This has been the best birthday ever. It isn't the stuff I've gotten but the time and thoughtfulness of my husband that has been the most special. Dave learned a long time ago that my birthday is a big deal to me. So, he rose to meet the challenge!

Lucy Claire is my favorite birthday present, for the 2nd time! She is such a blessing of a child. I can't help but recall the beauty of her birth--the pain I embraced, the lessons the Holy Spirit taught me. You can go back to this time last year on my old blog to read about it. Children are a blessing from the LORD. A blessing and NOT a burden. Thank you, Lord, for my precious children!!!

Thank you, birthday well-wishers (here and on Facebook) who have reminded me that I am loved. I love you, too.

I'm 30!!!!

A Few Things I've Been Up To ::Photo Edition::

There are so many pictures I've taken over the last two months that I will have to do several posts to accommodate our goings-on. I'll begin with a couple of sewing projects I've completed.

My good friend and former college roomie, Megan, is going to have a baby in January. Her hometown is about 1.5 hours from my house, so I was able to go to her baby shower a couple of weeks ago. Megan has been sewing for years. In college, she would always say things like, "Oh, don't buy that, I could make it." However, she rarely would actually make it. :) So, when it came time to make her a baby gift, we started chatting, and I discovered she might be needing a diaper bag. I made one for myself before Lucy was born. So, she picked out some fabric, and I made her this cute bag for her baby boy/girl (they're not finding out until Christmas).

I added the red trim for a little pop of color.

Then, I had talked with Marla about making a gift for Marley. She said that a quilt would be fine. Her colors were pink and orange. I had a bit of trouble finding fabric I loved (I prefer JoAnn Fabric to Hancock's, but Hancock's is closer). I got a little inspiration and came up with this quilt.

The colors are actually a little faded because some of the red bled onto the lighter fabrics, so I had to use Rit Color Remover. It worked, but it did fade some of the fabrics. I don't pre-wash generally because I like how the puckers cover up my mistakes, but I probably should have since I used red flannel on the back of the quilt.

We did make our yearly outing to the pumpkin patch. It was fun, and it was really hard to get good pictures of our wiggly kids. I need to work on those pictures, but here are a couple of fall-ish pictures.

These are some pumpkins that I thought were darling. And I liked that they are called "Cinderella" pumpkins. :)

My feet, leaves and green grass. Whee.

This is the creek behind our house. It has been so full and beautiful this autumn. I'm very blessed to be surrounded by so much beauty.

More to come. Stay tuned...

Arms in the Air

Today is the day.

My good friend, Marla, is going to become a mother for the fifth time. I will never forget where I was when I got the news that she was headed to the hospital the first time. I was so excited. It was 6 in the morning almost 6 years ago. I had predicted what day she would deliver (and I was RIGHT). I also will never forget where I was when I heard that everything was NOT okay. I was in the teacher's lounge using the phone to call her and find out how Halley was doing. Marla answered and said, "You haven't heard?" She was obviously still in shock. Halley wasn't breathing on her own, her muscles were constricted, and they had no idea what was wrong.

I prayed and prayed for the next two months.

I really thought she would be healed.

Then, Nate and Marla had to make the hardest decision of their lives. They had to remove life support from their precious Halley because her organs were all failing.

I didn't know what to do. How do you help someone who has just lost their first child to an unknown disease? Our small group planted some flowers for them, and we went to the memorial service. I now cannot hear "Fly to Jesus" without bawling. Halley's life, though brief, changed mine forever. I told God, "I really thought you were going to heal her."

He said, "I did--just not how you thought I would."

It was hard to watch Nate and Marla grieve. Especially when I became pregnant shortly after Halley's death. The guilt I felt for being pregnant when her baby was gone was hard to bear. Sometimes, I just didn't know what to say.

I was about 4-5 months pregnant with Sam when Marla announced they were pregnant again. We were all overjoyed, but we were also scared because the doctors thought it could be a genetic disease that was not yet documented. No other known disease really explained it. I had Sam, and Marla continued to grow and blossom in her pregnancy. Things were looking okay, but they didn't really know what to think because Halley's pregnancy had been normal (to their knowledge). Just over 14 months after Halley was born, I got a phone call from our good (and mutual) friend, Melissa, telling me that they were doing a c-section to get Porter out because his non-stress tests looked concerning.

I remember yelling in the phone, "No!!! This is NOT happening again!" Melissa and I cried together over the phone, and once again, I started to pray.

Porter was taken out several weeks early, but his symptoms looked frighteningly familiar. And again, two months after he came into the world, Nate and Marla had to, once again, remove their baby from life support. At the visitation, I just didn't know what to say. My baby was healthy and six months old. That guilt returned.

"I'm so sorry," was about all I could muster. His little body in the casket was almost too much to bear. It was good for me to see him, though. It helped a little. I just could not believe I was going to yet another funeral for one of their children. Of course, now the doctors had determined that the disease was genetic, and that they had a 25% chance of a baby having it each time they conceived. That is devastating news to bear.

Marla told me later that people often said insensitive things to her in hopes of cheering her up. I didn't want to be one of those people. I found it hard to find things to say, but I tried to listen if she was willing to talk.

A few months after Porter's death, I found out I was pregnant again. Guilt returned (also because I had another close friend who had miscarried that summer as well). But then, there was finally some GOOD NEWS.

Nate and Marla were going to adopt a baby.

I prayed and prayed that the adoption would go smoothly and that the birth mother would not change her mind.

And Shepherd was born. We had a baby shower after he arrived, and it was so sweet because Marla didn't let anybody hold him. But no one tried to--we all wanted her to hold her baby as much as she wanted!!! He was theirs. I had Maryn about two and a half months later.

We all went off to our separate residency programs, and we grew closer than we'd ever been. We talked weekly (sometimes multiple times a week). I watched Marla grow in grace. You could see the Lord was healing her. She is very transparent and honest about how she's feeling. It was good to hear her talk about her grief and her journey to healing.

She called one day and dropped the bomb that she was pregnant AGAIN! I didn't think she was crazy. I knew that she and Nate were not flippant about this. I knew that they listened very carefully to what God was telling them to do--especially in this area. I prayed and prayed for her baby, had others praying, and when the day came, Owen was born, and he was healthy!

I cannot begin to describe the joy that we all felt over this news!!!

Marla and I have grown so close through the years, and I am blessed to be in this spot once again, praying for her and her sweet baby girl, Marley, who will arrive in the next hour or so. I have learned so much from Marla about trusting God, about being real, about grief, about fear, and about being healed.

I may have prayed for Marla, but she too has prayed for me. She doesn't minimalize my struggles by comparing them to hers. This is what the Body of Christ is supposed to look like. I'm sure of it! Holding one another up as we walk through life--the good, the bad, and the devastating. It's mutual.

So, now, would you join me in praying for the safe arrival of Marley Grace? I'll post again with the news. We're believing God for another miracle!