My Journey To Contentment

I have seen that a couple of my friends were reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  I checked out Ann's blog, and after reading just a few entries, I knew I had to read this book.  Desperately needed to read this book.  Why?

Because I am a complainer.  Discontent.  And it flows from my heart to my mind and out my mouth.  It's ugly.  It has imprisoned me in a state of negativity.  The pessimism was so thick, I couldn't see the optimism for the half-empty glasses.

The premise of the book is that it is gratitude that engages us into communion with God.  If we can't be thankful in the little things, we aren't worshipping Him, praising Him, or giving Him glory.  She began making a list of 1,000 things she loved, and in so doing, she discovered that each was a gift from God, and the mere naming of these things was worship.

I started a journal just for my list.

 "Every day, I will reflect on my blessings.  I will refuse to complain.  I will refuse negativity.  I will be thankful.  Even when it's hard, I will find that blessing in the pain, the beauty in the ash heap.  I will be changed.  He will soften my heart.  My mind. And my tongue.  I will learn to be content."

I've only been keeping my list for six days.  But I can already tell a difference.  I am not giving my mind free reign.  The minute a negative thought arises, I find myself telling it, "No, I will not complain.  How can I be thankful instead?"  Some of you may have noticed my thanksgiving posts on Facebook.  They arose out of this.  There are enough bad attitudes and complainers on Facebook.  I don't need to make it worse.

And you know what I've discovered?

People like to stop and be thankful.  They like the positive.  They like not thinking about what is wrong with everything.

#3    Dave coming home every day
#9    Felix's coughing laugh
#17  Bob Ross and "happy trees"
#19  My baby in heaven, only mine for a brief moment, but always God's
#20  The way Felix hold's Milo's hand while nursing or sleeping
#24  A heart that keeps hoping
#26  Having my hands full
#31  Sunshine
#32  Hearing the roll of tricycles on the deck
#37  The Helper who helps me to choose the path of holiness and contentment
#39  Lucy's giggle as she runs back to her bed and me trying not to smile

Wanna join me?

What We're Doing

What we're doing about Halloween:

We aren't the celebratory type when it comes to scary stuff, so we are buying some candy, stuff for s'mores, and we're building a bonfire in our yard. We're gonna veg out with our kids and make ourselves a little sick with sweets. You are welcome to join us.

What we're doing about getting ready for babies:

We are buying a bunch of stuff. We haven't registered anywhere--too much hassle. We've got our carseats which is huge. We are contemplating having them in the pack and play in our room, but it won't fit well on the side of the bed. Anyone want to make me a cradle? I didn't want to pay $150 for a bassinet. Will be checking into co-sleepers as a cheaper alternative. I've got sheets, mattress pads, towels, washcloths. What do we need? Clothes. And I need to buy the rest of the cloth diapers I will need. I'll use disposables until they're about 8-9 lbs. I guess we need those too.

What we're doing for my birthday?

Ask Dave. He better come up with something good. :) Look out 31.

And Lucy's birthday???

I'm planning a party for her a few days before OUR birthday. Yes, we share our birthday. So, party for her, and I get Birthweek 2010.

What we're doing for Thanksgiving:

Dave's mom and grandma are coming to cook. Dave is on call. I plan on watching the parade.

What we're doing about Sam's Christmas Birthday:

Well, it all depends on when these boys arrive. I would like to have a party for Sam with some of his friends a few weeks before Christmas. I'll be 37 weeks on Dec. 23rd, so I could have babies by Christmas Day or maybe not! I have no clue. This one is being played by ear. As is Christmas. I am planning on a fake tree this year because it may be a while before we're able to take one down. :)

What we're doing about Christmas gifts:

I don't know. We're thinking donations to charities in people's names. We did this one year before, and we didn't get much reaction...don't know if that was good or bad! Whatever we do, it's gotta be simple.

What we're doing about staying sane:

We are taking life one day at a time--with as much pre-planning as possible! :) No, really, we are not worrying and fretting over how things are going to go once our darlings are born. We are learning to be content and trust our Father to provide what we need in terms of help and sleep and childcare. We are trying to enjoy our time with our three children before life gets crazy. We are hoping we can stay focused on our Father and His love in the midst of all of these changes. He has been so good and faithful and kind to us, and we are so thankful for Him.

A Spider and a Rooster and Delighting in God

I have felt a tad bit guilty as of late concerning my lack of inspiration and worship to the Creator for nature. I see so many of my lovely homeschooling friends who enjoy nature with their children and worship Jesus in it. I would love to do this.

But I don't like being hot, being cold, bugs, itchiness, or cleaning up dirty children.

I like to observe nature...from afar.

This isn't entirely true. I love hiking. Of course, that is OUT OF THE QUESTION at this stage of my pregnancy. My body is aching after a trip to the grocery store. I have climbed a few mountains in my day--big ones--14,000 ft. peaks (and a little smaller). I like to run outside. I hate treadmills. I like to go out on the lake. I like to watch the sunrise. I like to listen to Rich Mullins sing "The Color Green." I don't hate nature.

It's just I don't love everything that comes with it. I like creature comforts--bug spray, central heat and air, and someone else to clean up the mess.

What I've discovered is that I am starting to get attached to little creatures. I never touch them, but I watch them and feel even protective over them (perhaps this is merely part of the maternal nesting instinct).

We had a garden spider outside our front window for a couple of months this summer. She was beautiful--black, yellow, and white. She laid TWO egg sacs, each the size of a cherry. One of them is attached to our window screen. I researched her online to find out all about her life cycle and what would happen to her babies. The site I read said she would die at the end of September, and her babies would hatch in the Spring. Sure enough, she did die. I found myself a little sad, missing her there in the window. It was such a joy to watch her catch bugs and spin her webs.

She was our own personal "Charlotte." And like Wilbur, we are protectively guarding her egg sacs.

There's also a rooster who belongs to our neighbors across the street. He spends a lot of his time pecking bugs in our yard. I don't mind. He has a healthy fear of humans and doesn't bother us. He is friends with our dog. This may be the very same rooster I was complaining about a few months back--the one who crowed ALL NIGHT LONG. He's since stopped that (and we got new windows). My mother-in-law's dog chased the rooster on Friday, and I thought she caught him and was going to kill him (it turned out she caught a hen instead, who did escape, but not without wounds). Everything in me was angry and protective of the rooster (I'm not attached to the hens, but I still felt awful about her attack).

I realized after the attack that I do care about this animal--one I've only observed and never touched. I did poke an umbrella in his direction once, but that is the closest I've gotten to him. I find this all very odd.

But, I'm thankful that during this season of homebodiness, I am able to worship the Lord and His creativity by taking wonder in these creatures, loving them, even a smidge. I'm not able to hike. I'm not able to go on safari, and I'm sure not able to travel anywhere super beautiful like lovely Colorado, but I am thankful for the beauty He's brought to me--right to my window, next to my chair, for me to watch and worship Him--

without even realizing it.