It's also been on my mind a lot because the baby I lost would have been due this week. I've thought so many times about how I would have been close to delivery, eagerly anticipating his/her arrival, and our lives would be changed again. Watching my friends walk through the journey without me has not been easy; in fact, it has just sucked. I certainly wish no ill will on anyone, and I am happy for them; it's just hard to watch them knowing that I won't get to experience that with the baby I lost. I think I am in the final stage of grief, and I think this too shall pass as this date passes me by.
I miss that little baby, conceived in love and commitment, created for a purpose. I was honored to be his/her mommy for just a short amount of time. But, I'm still sad. Even with two wiggly boys in my womb right now, I still feel the loss of that precious one. Just because I was able to conceive again doesn't mean that the love and memory of that precious one has been erased. I will never forget that sweet child.
Last night, after hearing of another friend miscarrying, I began thinking of Jesus, dying on the cross, becoming sin for us and carrying our sorrows. Isaiah 53 says,
3 He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4 Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
Jesus, the Son of God, the Son of man, understands the grief and sorrow that comes with loss of a child. Because of His great sacrifice on the cross, He acquainted himself with these very griefs. He experienced ALL of it on the cross. He is the ideal one to carry us through the grief and sorrow ourselves. I am so thankful for this beautiful gift--one who can understand perfectly what I am going through because He has ALREADY CARRIED IT for me. I can lean on Him and trust Him in my sorrow.
Occasionally, I will still have a sad moment, but through it all, the overwhelming and predominant feeling in the midst of sorrow has been JOY. JOY in Him--that He loves me, that He would carry my burdens, that He is my strength, that He is my hope. I pray that my friends experience this Deep, Deep, Love of Jesus. I pray that they are touched by His Joy and can be filled with it in the midst of their own sorrow.
We are healed by His stripes. We are whole in Him. We lack nothing. We have everything. All will be restored. All will be made new. Praise Him!!!