Contemplating The Passion of Jesus

Okay, so I have come up with something to talk about (we all knew it would happen).

Lately, I've been really thinking about Jesus and the cross.  It's appropriate, of course, with Easter just a month or so away.  I've always had good intentions to participate in Lent, though I never have.  I'm not normally this contemplative.

There's a big controversy in the evangelical sector over a pastor, Rob Bell, and his new book, Love Wins.  I don't intend to start an argument here in this post, so please don't do that.  I just wanted to say that thinking through the implications of his belief system has had me considering what I believe about the cross and what its purpose was--what Jesus' suffering did, both for Him and for me.  He became sin, not just carried it, but He actually BECAME it.  I cannot imagine what that must have felt like.  I know how I feel when I sin--ashamed, guilty, and burdened by my own depravity.  I can't imagine what He felt especially because He had never known it.

I think about how the Bible says He descended INTO hell.  Can you imagine?  He was the perfect, holy Son of the Living God.  He became sin and descended into the place the Father prepared for Satan and his demons.  Do you think at that moment that Satan thought he had won the battle?  Do you think he rejoiced over Jesus' descent?  I can imagine the look on his face when the Holy Spirit raised Him from the dead.  Shock.  Confusion.  Anger.

I don't ever want to be guilty of diminishing His work on the cross.  It is central to our Faith.  It is faith in this act that redeems us.  God forgive me if I have made light of Your holy sacrifice.

I downloaded a free album called Songs for Lent by New York Hymns.  You can get it HERE (along with some other GREAT music).  It is folky and meditative.  I made a playlist for the babies with it because it is so mellow.  Each song is for a stage of the cross.  As I listen, I am being led through the Passion.  Not only is the music great, but the songs have put my heart in a contemplative place.  I find myself trying to get inside of Jesus' head and see his thoughts and feelings during that time of suffering.

I have to take the stance that Jesus' death on the cross is relevant to now and the hereafter.  I have to believe that He came for a reason.  I have to believe that what He did makes all the difference in my life--because I know who I was before HIM.  I know that I can't make it on my own.  He is so merciful.  He is so gracious.

Take some time in this Lenten season and really think about Him--think about His joys, His laughter, His sorrows, His sufferings, His victory!  And He did it all for us.  Now that's True Love.

Advent Calendar Tutorial

Advent calendars have been around for about 200 years. They were first used by German Lutherans in the early 1800s. In fact, check out the article on Wikipedia.

Funny enough, the advent calendar I made was based on one I borrowed from my friend Cinthya's mother-in-law, who is Lutheran! I believe she told me she had gotten it from someone at church, but I cannot remember for sure.




I have put together a tutorial here. It is on Google
Docs. Let me know if you have trouble viewing or downloading it. I have included instructions on how to make the calendar, pictures of the symbols and the devotionals that go along with them. I hope you find it informative and easy to do. :)

Oh, the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus!

I've been thinking about sorrow and grief multiple times over the last month. I've had three friends miscarry their sweet babies, and hearing that news just never gets easier.

It's also been on my mind a lot because the baby I lost would have been due this week. I've thought so many times about how I would have been close to delivery, eagerly anticipating his/her arrival, and our lives would be changed again. Watching my friends walk through the journey without me has not been easy; in fact, it has just sucked. I certainly wish no ill will on anyone, and I am happy for them; it's just hard to watch them knowing that I won't get to experience that with the baby I lost. I think I am in the final stage of grief, and I think this too shall pass as this date passes me by.

I miss that little baby, conceived in love and commitment, created for a purpose. I was honored to be his/her mommy for just a short amount of time. But, I'm still sad. Even with two wiggly boys in my womb right now, I still feel the loss of that precious one. Just because I was able to conceive again doesn't mean that the love and memory of that precious one has been erased. I will never forget that sweet child.

Last night, after hearing of another friend miscarrying, I began thinking of Jesus, dying on the cross, becoming sin for us and carrying our sorrows. Isaiah 53 says,

3 He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

⁴ Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.

⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

Jesus, the Son of God, the Son of man, understands the grief and sorrow that comes with loss of a child. Because of His great sacrifice on the cross, He acquainted himself with these very griefs. He experienced ALL of it on the cross. He is the ideal one to carry us through the grief and sorrow ourselves. I am so thankful for this beautiful gift--one who can understand perfectly what I am going through because He has ALREADY CARRIED IT for me. I can lean on Him and trust Him in my sorrow.

Occasionally, I will still have a sad moment, but through it all, the overwhelming and predominant feeling in the midst of sorrow has been JOY. JOY in Him--that He loves me, that He would carry my burdens, that He is my strength, that He is my hope. I pray that my friends experience this Deep, Deep, Love of Jesus. I pray that they are touched by His Joy and can be filled with it in the midst of their own sorrow.

We are healed by His stripes. We are whole in Him. We lack nothing. We have everything. All will be restored. All will be made new. Praise Him!!!

Knowing God: A How Not To

Last night, a girl I really don't know well at all told me that she envies the way I know God.

I laughed.

I was at a meeting called Celebrate Recovery!--it's like AA for everything--life's hurts, habits, and hang-ups. I think this is why I laughed. Here I am, obviously a "beggar at the door of God's mercy," and she envies ME. I was flat-out humbled. And realized even more how great God is.

She went on to say, "I've been a Christian for a long time, but I don't feel like I have that kind of relationship with God the way you do. I want to know what I need to do to get there."

I replied, "Well, I'm sorry to say, but there is nothing you can do to get there."

I went on to explain that God's work of grace in my life has been a long road. My journey to "get there" is not complete. I've been blessed by experiences with Him, grace extended to me in my darkest moments, and just loved on by His people. My journey into a deeper relationship with God goes far beyond a list of things to do. In fact, I can't take any credit for the journey. I believe He has orchestrated all of it. If anything on my part, there was a desire to know Him more. He has been faithful to grant that.

"Even you just asking me about this tonight is part of YOUR journey. You will look back someday and remember that this was part of it," I told her.

I tried to explain that there were a couple of really great books that have shaped and blessed me over the years. I wrote down the titles* and gave them to her. I told her to call me if she wanted to chat some more. I hope she does.

I think she wanted a formula. The "me" from just a few years back would have wanted one too. Perhaps, she wanted me to say, "If you just read your Bible more, pray more, be faithful to church, and stop sinning, THEN you can know Him more deeply." A lot of churches teach this heresy. The path to knowing God is not about disciplining yourself into what you believe is obedience. It's about letting Him reveal Himself to you in a myriad of ways--yes, His Word is one way, but so are His people and His very voice in your spirit, speaking His truth to you and over you.

There is NO formula.

In the kingdom of heaven, a+b≠c. Everything is a paradox--you die to live, you lose to win, the first is last, you give to those who take from you.

There is NO formula.

I'll end with this quote I read on Facebook yesterday. It totally sums up how I feel about my walk with God--knowing Him, letting Him love me, and being able to love Him back:

I used to think that what God wanted for me to do was try harder, get
more committed, deny myself and keep my sin under control and then I
would begin to see change. But I am learning that the fight in the
Christian life is the fight of faith...to believe the Gospel of grace
...(that God in Christ has forgiven you of all your debt with Him and that He has given you all His 'rightness') really is true. -Tom Wood

I repeat, there is NO formula.

*The titles I recommended are The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning which was a catalyst in my journey of grace. In my journey of understanding God's love, He Loves Me! by Wayne Jacobsen takes the cake.

Crystal Bowersox and Eagerly Anticipated News

I love me some Bowersox. Seriously. She is the best contestant I've ever seen on American Idol. Of course, I haven't watched every season. She and Casey James are my favorites, and I am pretty dang sure I'll be buying albums from both of them. I'm even contemplating buying some iTunes on 'em right now.

I really like how relaxed they are on stage. I dig that they can play instruments and that they consistently sound good. Anyways, they are my pick for the TOP TWO. Don't know why I felt I needed to share my American Idol picks with you, but there you go.

Also, sorry for being a Debbie Downer over the last week. The funk took over, and I yielded to its pity party. Thankfully, Jesus is still the same, loving me and leading me patiently through it. Please don't worry about me--surely you have days like that too! Thanks for all the sweet love I've received. I really appreciate it.

As for this news I've been referring to for the past week...

DRUMROLL, PLEASE............................................................................................






We are going to homeschool. Surpised? We are! Let me tell ya a little about our journey in this arena. I posed a question, asking for opinions on my old blog a few years ago--you can read the entry and comments HERE. People are pretty opinionated when it comes to what kind of schooling you use for your kids. I have been one of those people.

No more. I have turned over a new leaf.

I am eating crow. Lots and lots of crow. Mmmmm, tasty.

I always said I would not homeschool unless we were in a jungle somewhere. Well, small-town Arkansas is our jungle, I guess. :) When we moved here, I found out about a church-run pre-k and kindergarten. It didn't go beyond that, so public school would inevitably be the destination following kindergarten.

I loved that the church school is four days a week, 8-12. Wonderful. But I knew I couldn't send Sam there for one year and then bring him home. He would be really sad, I'm pretty sure. But, the only other alternative was to send him to the public school. I was not really thrilled that the public school does not teach phonics at all. I have heard that the teachers and administration at the public school are wonderful people. I don't doubt that.

But, I have zero peace about sending the kids there. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

The Holy Spirit leads us into all truth in peace. I got a text the other day notifying me that the applications for church school were available. My head started to swim. I had so many thoughts and questions I'd never considered before.

I hadn't prayed about it--beyond the fact that I knew the Lord said I didn't HAVE TO homeschool. I liked that. I felt peace that my decision was still mine. This time, though, I just realized how my biggest reason not to homeschool was fear.

Fear of failure.
Fear of ruining my kids.
Fear of responsibility.

Dave and I prayed over our decision, and the Lord quickly made it clear that He has equipped me to do this. I love how gentle He is. I love how he gives me the room to make a decision. I don't feel that if I sent the kids to school I would be out of His will--I just know that this is a better decision for our family right now.

That's another thing. We are taking this a year at a time. We are not sold out to it or committed beyond THIS YEAR. We are open to new directions from the Lord. We always want to do what is best for our kids, and for now, that is homeschooling.

Kindergarten.

I have been chatting with homeschooling moms about their kindergarten experiences, and I keep getting the same answer. Keep it simple. So, I am. I haven't fully decided on my curriculum, but I have very good ideas for what I want to use.

It looks as if I will also be joining a LOW KEY co-op in a nearby town. I think it will be fun--especially because I will have friends there already. Sam is super excited about that.

I'm actually excited about this. I never thought I would be!

I'm experiencing a new level of confidence about it as well. That is relieving to have peace AND feel confident.

So, that's my news. We are homeschooling. Kind of anti-climatic, don't you think?

My Mental Eyes Are Bigger Than My Emotional Stomach

I've bitten off more than I can chew--emotionally. Jesus is so gentle, even in that. He reminded me this evening that He will heal me in His timing. He will do the transforming--I just have to be teachable and receptive. He will overcome my struggles for me as I rest in Him.

I don't want anyone to worry about me. I'm okay, really. I think I underestimated the emotional toll that weaning and hormones combined might have on someone with as delicate a constitution as myself (a little Jane Austen for ya).

There are several areas of my life that I suddenly felt I had to repair--parenting, marriage, my own baggage and life patterns. It's just too much all at once.

I am thankful for the grace and peace that comes when I listen to the One whose opinions are just and true and perfectly timed. His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness to me.

My Journey from Legalism to Grace and How I Am Getting There

First of all, thank you for your continued prayers. Kathy is awake and off the respirator. Please pray for her spiritual and mental state right now. I can't elaborate as I have no details and I want to protect her privacy. Just pray that she will rest in Him and be at peace. I do not know any of the test results at this point.

Now, in reference to my title, I would like to provide a little map of how I came out of constricting and debilitating legalism into a spacious and gracious place. I first give God 100% of the credit. He was and is so faithful to meet me where I'm at. As I look back on my brief 30 years, I can see His hand carefully guiding and shaping me. And interestingly enough, He used other people to mold me--many of them regular people, but a few artists thrown in there. So, if you're wanting to move forward in freedom and grace in your Christian walk, here are some folks that God used in my life. You should google them. :)

1. Rich Mullins

You can't listen to Rich Mullins and feel unloved or unworthy. He so captures the heart of God in all of his music. If 80s music doesn't bother you too much, then you'll enjoy Rich. I have always called him a modern-day Apostle Paul. He'd probably laugh if he heard me say that. Seriously, though, the man knew Jesus (he died in a tragic car accident well over 10 years ago). If you want a good biography about him, check out _An Arrow Pointing to Heaven_ by James Bryan Smith. The book blessed me and gave me an even greater picture of who he was and what God had accomplished in his life.

2. Stephanie Thiemann

Now, I don't think Steph is up for discipling you because she lives in India right now, but she is great. Steph got the great job of showing me how legalistic I was and how self-righteous. Fun, huh? But seriously, she was great at it. I never felt condemned by her. Even when I hit my lowest point EVER, she never condemned me. She loved me through it. I've mentioned before the CRAZY prayer journals I used to keep. If you don't recall, they were really bad. I tried to keep each page even and pray with the ACTS method--one page of adoration, one of confession, one of thanksgiving, one of supplication--if I wrote two pages of one, then by George, I better do two pages of each. She told me to stop. That was HUGE. I stopped, and I haven't retreated back to the comfort of the ACTS method. It challenged my prayer life.

3. Waterdeep

This band is amazacrazy. You should check them out if you haven't already. They get it. They get Jesus' love and mission. They also have a great sound--very unique in the Christian arena. This ain't The Gaithers, friends. (Nothing against the Gaithers, I just don't like that kind of music). I really enjoyed their project with 100 Portraits "Enter the Worship Circle". Start there and then branch out into all their albums.

4. Dinah Fox

She has no idea the impact she had on me that summer. I will never forget it. We were sitting in a Sunday School class out in Colorado, and our teacher was being all seminary-like and our heads were swimming as we had no clue what he was talking about. She leaned over to me and said, "If all I ever knew was that Jesus loved me, that'd be enough for me." I had NEVER thought about that. Not that the pursuit of knowledge is evil or a waste of time, it's not. But, how often does our pursuit of it actually lead us to Jesus? If it doesn't lead us to Him, we should abandon it; it's lost its purpose. At that point, I knew I wanted people like Dinah in my life. People who were coming into an understanding of His great and unmeasurable love.

5. Brennan Manning

Dinah actually told me about him. She told me to read _The Ragamuffin Gospel_. It changed my life. I realized I was a beggar at Heaven's door, and Jesus loved me. Really loved me. You should read this book if you haven't. It's transformational.

6. Kristin Ross

Grace-filled woman of God. She talks really fast. And she listens hard. I was able to confess my sin to her without judgment. Through all my tears, she was there, loving me and encouraging me. She was like Dinah--safe. I knew she knew Him like I wanted to.

7. Jeremy Irvan

Jeremy loved me the way I was, and he wasn't afraid to tell me the truth. That's rare. I never felt condemned, but I did hear truth from him. I'll never forget it.

8. Kim Stephens

Loving. Gracious. Healing. Kim is a healer of souls. I believe God has gifted her this way. She nurtured me in one of my most vulnerable states, and I am grateful for the way she poured out her life on me.

9. Megan Dart

She has loved me through it all. Being persistently loved by people when you're unlovely is just so Godly. Megan has been that for me. She never threw in the towel--just like Jesus.

10. David Geidl, my husband

He sees me at my worst. He loves me still. His forgiveness and love have made marriage more beautiful. We're on this journey together, and it is exciting to see him moving on this same path. We encourage one another along the way. He's an oak of righteousness.

11. The Summit Church

They stepped outside the box. It was new for me. It was refreshing. I cherish the four years I spent there with that group of believers. If you're in a church where things refuse to change, you will not see much grace. I'm thankful that the Summit is a gracious body.

12. Marla Livers

Marla teaches me all the time. She is the kind of friend who'll get down in the mud with you and help you get out. She has suffered more than her fair share in life, but she NEVER minimalizes my suffering. She's a living example of God's grace.

13. Melissa Smith

She is my twin in personality. We both struggle with being rule-makers and rule-followers. But we're growing together. We've both changed a lot. But we are a beautiful picture of iron sharpening iron. It's awesome how God has used her to shape me. I can't imagine what kind of person I would be right now if we hadn't become friends.

14. Kathy Ruddick

It's hard to think about her being in the hospital and having suffered so much for the last three months. She is a mighty woman of God. She led me out of an intellectual prison into the freedom of the Spirit. She has never assumed a place of authority over me, but rather, she has served me endlessly always pointing me back to Jesus. "Why don't you pray about that, Amanda?" She always listens, but she knows Who has the answers.

15. Kaysie Steele

Kaysie told me once, when I was hitting a rough patch, "Sometimes, it's just life. It happens. The cause of it isn't really important." Kaysie has gone through so much, but she has such a good perspective on it. She's not blaming. She walks in grace with her family and her friends. You gotta love a woman with a good head on her shoulders.

16. Meredith Mayer

Pure in heart. Gracious. She knows her Father's voice. She is precious and encouraging. She brightens my days with her laughter, and her sincerity can't be beat. We haven't even known one another for a year, and yet, I feel like we've known one another for decades. She loves hard. That's important.

17. Donald Miller

Just read his stuff. He's great. He really captures faith in action--loving people practically.

18. W. Paul Young

Yes, the author of _The Shack_. I don't agree 100% with everything he says there, but this book was a catalyst for me spiritually. It set me on a path to become more aware of God's heart.

19. Wayne Jacobsen

_He Loves Me!_ is awesome. It builds on _The Shack_ in a more Scripture-saturated kind of way.

20. Danny Silk

_Loving our Kids on Purpose_ built on the two previous books (above). It translated for me how to parent like God. How to extend grace in parenting--it's valuable stuff.

21. David Crowder Band

"Church Music" is what I listen to most of the time. This album is so where I'm at right now. DCB is where it's at.

22. Believer's Church

This is a community of genuine folks who let it all hang out--good, bad, and ugly. They're beautiful people with a heart for seeing Jesus all over the world and into the hidden nooks and crannies of our lives. I love 'em.

What I find interesting about my journey is that my list is full of regular people that I have lived in community with at a point in my life. There are so many more people I could have added, but for space's sake, I added the ones that jumped right out at me as I chronicled my journey in my head. We were meant for community--meant to live together, loving one another as Christ loves us, extending His message of grace to those around us. It's beautiful stuff.

Undisclosed Desires

I used to identify my Christianity as "Protestant", "Baptist", or "Non-Denominational". Now, I prefer just to say that I am a believer and follower of Jesus Christ. I realize that all across the Christian spectrum, there are those in every camp who are believers in name only and not with their lives.

I have a dear friend, Carrie, who is Catholic, and she introduced me to Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body. While I do not wholeheartedly embrace all things Catholicism teaches (and neither do I Protestantism), I embrace this teaching that we are created in the image of God, that male bodies and female bodies don't make sense on their own, that procreation is a beautiful picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church, that in our sinful humanity our desires for fulfillment have become twisted and inverted so that we bear shame and seek to fulfill them ourselves with things that do not fill. I love this teaching--it is beautiful and resonates so strongly with my spirit.

I begin to see the same longings in hearts everywhere--it is apparent so boldly in our films and our music. Christopher West, the leading Catholic educator (in America) of Theology of the Body, is quite adept at seeing these in lyrics. Carrie showed me a blog that he and Bill Donaghy write called Twisted Mystics. They hash out song lyrics that reveal our hearts' true longings that can only be fulfilled by Jesus Himself. Here is my own submission to their blog--Muse's Undisclosed Desires:

I know you've suffered
But I don't want you to hide
It's cold and loveless
I won't let you be denied

Soothing
I'll make you feel pure
Trust me
You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers
That you're wicked and divine
You may be a sinner
But your innocence is mine

Please me
Show me how it's done
Tease me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Please me
Show me how it's done
Trust me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Now, that you've read these lyrics, go back and reread them as if they were spoken by Jesus. I realize that may sound blasphemous to some, but seriously, consider what it would be like if Jesus were to say these things to you (I realize this may be difficult for those of you in the male arena). We hear a man speaking to a woman here--a woman who has gone down the wrong road, again and again, seeking fulfillment from her lovers. They never satisfy her emptiness. She has come to believe that she has nothing to offer. She is worthless and ashamed. This man speaking to her says he believes he can heal her--show her what she's worth. He wants to cleanse her of her past, show her she's more than her pretty face, show her she has something to offer--she is altogether pleasing.

Are you seeing the parallel? I love this song. If you haven't heard it, go HERE.

Doesn't Jesus want the same thing for us? Doesn't He want us to see that we are the One for Him? Doesn't He want to purify and cleanse us from our demons and our past? Doesn't He want us to see that we are pleasing to Him and beautiful in His sight? Doesn't He want to fulfill our desires perfectly?

We are so loved.

The Advent of the Light

I read Luke 1 this morning, and I was so moved. Reading as Elizabeth prophesied, then Mary, then Zechariah--all of them focused on the coming of the ONE. Their world was dark, too. I'm sure it seemed so hopeless, living under Roman occupation with extreme poverty and little freedom. Not too much has changed. Of course, I sense that though the Church in America is wealthy and free materially, we are not so spiritually.

We are bankrupt of love. We look out for our own welfare not concerned for the welfare of others (I am NOT even talking about the government--I am talking about the CHURCH). We have forgotten HIM and what HE came to do and what he entrusted US to do. Instead, we heap yokes of burden on others--piles of rules and regulations that can't possibly be kept. We expect people to PROVE their devotion to God by how much they DO. We are slaves to a law that we've been freed from--and it is all of our own choosing.

We boycott bars, people, movies, corporations, and we fail to see that we are arrogant and full of our own glory. We esteem ourselves as "not having done this or that" and "avoiding the appearance of evil"--whitewashed tombs full of dead men's bones. We have missed it. We are in darkness (of our own choosing).

Zechariah, John's father, prophesied this:

Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because he has come and has redeemed his people. He has raised up a horn of salvation for us in the house of his servant David (as he said through his holy prophets of long ago), salvation from our enemies and from the hand of all who hate us--to show mercy to our fathers and to remember his holy covenant, the oath he swore to our father Abraham: to rescue us from the hand of our enemies, and to ENABLE US TO SERVE HIM WITHOUT FEAR in his holiness and righteousness before him all our days...because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to SHINE on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace. (Luke 1: 68-75, 78-79)

This is our message--a message of hope to a people living in darkness. But how can we communicate it if we too are living in darkness? Step into the light, the freedom, and embrace the Rising Sun so that you may be able to embrace others with His light and life.

Managing our Freedom

It's funny how busyness is different in different places. In residency, Dave was busy with work, Good Samaritan, meetings, call, etc. I was busy with Bible study, book club, and events. Now that we've moved here, a few things are the same--he still has call every week (though it is from home), and I still have Bible study. However, we've also found a way to be busy in other things.

We exercise. Every day (but Sunday--we rest our bodies). Since we have three children, daily exercise--together--is difficult. And boy, do we need one another! If we weren't there to encourage one another in it, we wouldn't do it. So, every night, after we put the kids to bed, we put in our DVDs. We do Gilad's (from FitTV) workouts. We do cardio and strength training, alternately, six days a week. It's huge for us! But, we've realized, that we have less free time in the evenings now that we exercise.

Dave commented the other day, "How did we get so busy here?" Well, we have a small group meeting on Sunday nights. We have a meeting in Conway every Tuesday night. I have a women's Bible study on Tuesday mornings. Dave is "off" (sometimes) on Wednesdays, so we run a lot of errands. It's busy, but it is a good kind of busy. We are much healthier than we've been in a long time.

Somewhere along the way, we started choosing to do things out of a desire to be healthy rather than a place of guilt or obligation. I remember being heavy laden in college with three Bible studies a week, church, community group, and a large student meeting each week (not to mention the part-time job and my classes). It was too much, and much of it, I did it because I felt like if I didn't that I wasn't spiritual enough. Now, the things I choose are out of genuine desire and not duty. It's healthier and more rewarding.

No longer do I cower under obligation. Though it may be kind of a silly way to go about things, I reached a point in my life where I wouldn't do something (even if it was good) if I was doing it out of guilt, shame, or obligation. Instead, I would only do those things when the desire came. I know some of you are thinking, "If I did that, I would never do any of the things I am supposed to do." That may be true. It wasn't for me, and that surprises me (because I believed that too)!

It seems like desire finally had the opportunity to arise because I was not giving obligation and duty any room to rule me. I guess, in a way, I learned to manage my freedom (in much the same way I'm trying to teach my children to do). I chose not to exercise. This had consequences. I was free from the guilt of obligation to exercise--I was not a slave to it, but the consequence for not exercising is getting fatter and flabbier. Suddenly, a desire to be healthy and fit arose, and I gladly chose to exercise. I made decisions, and I ruled my decisions instead of them ruling me.

Last night, after we finished "Cardio Strike!", we made some popcorn (and a bag of candy corn) and sat down to finish a movie we'd started. We started talking about how eating the popcorn (and candy corn) might not be a good idea. I said something like, "We're free to eat popcorn (and candy corn). It's not that big of a deal." Dave agreed, and then said, "All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial." (a quote from the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 10:23). We laughed about that because we knew that to eat the popcorn (and candy corn) wasn't sinful, but it wasn't going to be beneficial to us. Well, we ate it, and we felt gross afterwards. We managed our freedom, but we experienced a consequence that wasn't pleasant. Chances are that after we work out tonight, we won't indulge our appetites quite so much. But, we are learning to walk in grace and how to make good decisions for ourselves.

It isn't about following a list of rules. It's about walking in freedom, making good decisions in the power of the Holy Spirit, and pursuing things from a true place of desire. There is always a place for balance, and there are so many things I want to cultivate disciplines in (like meditation on Scripture, prayer, walking in the Spirit...), but I KNOW that I can't discipline myself to do things out of fear or duty because those are the wrong motives. Those kinds of works will not make it through the fire. Our Father is a good Dad. He knows we long to please Him and try our hardest. But even He desires that we do it out of desire and not duty. (Read Piper's little book, Duty and Desire...I forgot I read it until now.)

This is the abundant life Jesus was talking about...or at least a smidgen of it.

The Things I Saw There

The main purpose for going to Norfolk was to attend Angela and Craig's wedding (heard them referred to as "Crangela", and I haven't stopped chuckling about it!). I briefly got to see Ange on Thursday night, and she looked like a radiant, slightly stressed bride. There were so many people to talk to, mingle with, and details to remember. She did her best making her way around the room.

It's weird because I haven't seen her in probably about 10 years. So, my only communication with her has been over the last three years in the blog world. I became enthralled with her new life in Africa, and I enjoy reading her blog and seeing her pictures. She has changed so much, but when I saw her again in person, she was still Ange.

Her wedding was BEAUTIFUL. I loved how Jesus was the centerpiece of their ceremony. I could feel the presence of the Holy Spirit hovering in the sanctuary. It was really amazing. She looked so gorgeous. Her dress was killer. Go to Joanna's blog to see pics from the wedding. It was so fun to watch Jo in her element running around snapping pictures. That was a gift in itself!

I felt so many beautiful moments that weekend, and the wedding really stood out to me. Even the reception was so holy to me. I saw everyone dancing and celebrating, and I couldn't help but think of how someday, the church will have her wedding day, and there will be a great celebration!!!

Craig was very nice. I'm so glad I got to meet him. He is perfect for Angela. I love their shared vision and the way their hearts are entwined on many levels. I snapped a couple of blurry photographs at the reception during the first dance. They are an amazing-looking couple! My pictures are poor, but I needed something to remember that night.

The kiss during their first dance as husband and wife. I kind of like the blur for this.

Flash really can ruin a picture! They're still great looking.

I also really enjoyed being in a harbor city while I was in Norfolk. I didn't realize there would be ships everywhere. They were pretty cool. I was wishing the whole time that Dave and the kids were with me. They would have loved seeing the big ships.

I took this at sunrise the day I left.

This one too.

This one was a daytime pic on my first day there. I love how industrious it looks.

It was so fun to be in a place with a different culture and landscape. It is on my list of places to return to someday with the family. There's so much history there, and it is so fresh-feeling.

Next post: my friends, old and new.

Pharisaical Parenting: Punishment and Reward

pharisaical (adj.)--practicing or advocating strict observance of external forms and ceremonies of religion or conduct without regard to the spirit; self-righteous; hypocritical.

I was blown away by the response to my last post, both here in Blogger-land and on Facebook. I'm so glad it was a blessing to so many. The nice thing is that Jesus was the One who was doing everything; I just got to be a part! I'm such a novice in the arena of grace-based parenting. I welcome further reading materials and ideas to round out my experience as a parent. The book I read, Loving our Kids on Purpose, is primarily targeted for children from elementary school age to high-school age. None of my children are in school yet, so I did find it a bit challenging to have ideas for toddler/pre-k children. There were some great principles, though, and I was thrilled to see them succeed when I applied them.

Being creative is the hard part.

It's so hard, in fact, that it is much easier to resort to the punishment/reward system. If you do this bad thing, you receive this punishment. If you do this good thing, Mommy will give you a present. Which, in turn, communicates, "When you're bad, bad things happen to you. When you're good, good things happen to you."

Is this a true idea?

The Pharisees thought so. They lived their lives so perfectly (on the outside) because they really believed they could appease God. They thought that God expected men to fulfill the law and obey Him. What we know about God is that He knew that would never happen. He knows us inside-out, and He knows that His creation is completely incapable of fulfilling any righteous law on their own. So, His plan was for Jesus to come, become sin (think about that until your head explodes) for us, so that we would become righteous in Him. Let's break it down:

• Mankind chose to give up their relationship with God in the Garden in exchange for the knowledge God was holding out on (in their minds).
• God, in His mercy and grace, deemed that death was the penalty for sin. In this way, mankind would not be eternally sinful, and there would be an opportunity to redeem mankind out of his sin if mankind would choose a relationship with Him.
• God gave a Law--a law so perfect that none could keep it. In this way, the Law became a teacher, to show mankind that they needed a Savior; they were powerless on their own to become righteous and have a relationship with God.
• Jesus was the answer. He has a perfect relationship with His Father. Their desire was to reunite mankind with the Father. Jesus gave up His life, became our sin, suffered our punishment, and reconciled us to God.
• When we enter into relationship with the Father, we often believe He still wants us to keep that perfect Law. But, that is the sort of thing that couldn't be further from His mind. He just wants us to experience His love and live in relationship with Him. He accepts us and loves us and thinks precious thoughts over us, His children.

Now, I often become the Pharisee when it comes to disciplining my children. I say, "Walk this straight line or suffer my wrath!!!" I, to my own sorrow, have often resorted to yelling, shaming, and spanking in anger that my children would dare to disobey ME. This is not the heart of the God of the Universe. This is the heart of the god of this world. This is the god that numerous peoples have sacrificed their children to on altars, hoping to gain favor with the scary volcano god. This is not our Father.

Therefore, this is NOT how we should parent.

There is NO fear in LOVE.

Perfect love casts out ALL fear.

Let's go back to the idea "When you're bad, bad things happen to you. When you're good, good things happen to you." This is how our world works. You see this in employment, in school, in traffic, in crime. This is how the world operates.

But we are not of this world. We are citizens of a heavenly country!

We are to be like Him in all things. This includes parenting.

Parenting without fear. Parenting without punishment. Parenting with Him.

Your kids are participants in their discipline. You are the loving one, the one leading them to Him. And if we're on the same page, you don't want them to think that He is like those gods demanding they adhere to external list of rules without regard to the spirit.

Now, I'm far from an expert on this topic. I'm a novice. I've only been parenting this way for two weeks. I will say this: it is much harder to parent in this way. It is not easy. It requires more thought, more creativity, and more prayer. It requires more discernment and more time asking the Holy Spirit what in the world to do. But, I truly want my children to trust me as their parent, and to learn to protect our relationship. I don't want them to live in fear of me and my punishments for their sin. I want them to feel safe with me, even when they mess up.

A few things to consider:

• How do I relate to the Father?
• What do I think He expects of me?
• Am I afraid of Him?
• Do I believe when bad things happen that I did something wrong?
• How do I relate to my kids?
• What do I expect of them?
• Are they afraid of me?
• Do they feel they have to earn my approval?

I pray this is a blessing and not a burden. It has brought me great joy and freedom both as a child of God and as a parent. I pray it does the same for you.

A Lesson in Redemption

I have been hearing the Father in the neatest ways this past week. I wanted to share a beautiful little lesson I learned this week in a time of discipline with Maryn.

We are employing some new-to-us tactics in our discipline. One of them is getting creative and helping the kids have consequences that are memorable but that also allow them free will--they can make a choice and experience the consequences, positive or negative. (All this and more can be found in Loving Our Kids on Purpose by Danny Silk)

(Photo courtesy of Amazon.com--where I purchased the book)

Well, helping Maryn manage her freedom has been very interesting. And hard. And crazy, at times. This week, we had a teachable moment in cleaning up after ourselves. I asked the kids to put their stuff (toys, shoes, pillows, blankies, all belongings) away. Nothing happened. Surprise. (Catch the sarcasm.)

The next time, I followed Danny Silk's lead, and I told them they could either pick up their stuff, or I would put their stuff in a trash bag to give to other kids. Both Sam and Maryn did not believe me, and they didn't pick up their toys. They made a choice not to. So, I grabbed a trash bag, and picked everything up. Then, in my mercy and grace (trying to mimic the Father, here!), I gave them another opportunity. I called them upstairs. I showed them all their stuff in the bag (this is new for them, so I am cutting them some slack), and then explained that they could save their stuff. I dumped it all on the floor of their room.

I said, "You get one more chance. I am going to set the timer for 15 minutes. You can either pick up your stuff and put it away nicely, or I am going to pick it all back up and give it to other kids. Anything that is left on the floor when the timer goes off will go into the trash bag. Sam, you pick up your stuff, and Maryn, you pick up yours."

I set the timer, and I walked away. Samuel got it. He cleaned up his stuff very quickly and was finished in no time. I went up there, checked it out. He was off the hook. Maryn, however, was playing. She had not a care in the world. Sigh.

Sam explained it to her, "Maryn, you better clean up your stuff, or Mom is gonna throw it in the trash!"

I pleaded with her to make the right choice. I explained how it hurt my heart. She had left her blankies on the floor, and I BEGGED HER to pick them up. She just looked at me and said in her sing-song voice, "I don't want to." Maryn's blankies are so important to her. She's had them since she was a baby, and she chews on them. Disgusting, I know. I knew how devastated she would be when she realized they were gone. At that moment, the Lord gave me understanding into His heart,

"This is how desperately I want my children to choose Me over their selfish pleasures. I plead, I beg, I offer multiple chances. I don't force their wills. It hurts my heart when they don't choose Me, but I must let them make their choice. They must choose to love Me, or it isn't love."

I, then, went downstairs to check the timer. It began to beep, and my heart sank--like the Titanic in quicksand. I went back upstairs with the trashbag and began picking up all her stuff. I explained once again what I was doing. She really didn't seem to mind too much, but I was smarter than that. I knew it would sink in at bedtime when she wanted blankie the most.

The Lord spoke again to my heart, "She was willing to sacrifice her most important possession in order to do what she wanted to do. How often my children do the same!"

I went downstairs and cried a little. My heart was broken for my little girl and her poor choice. This is new for me. Normally, I just get mad because the kids won't obey me. This time, I was grieved for her. I knew she didn't realize the gravity of her choice. I began immediately trying to think of a way to redeem it.

The Spirit said, "This is how I feel. This is why I MUST redeem you. I can't leave this undone. I will go at all lengths to restore you to me in our relationship."

I knew at that moment that I had to show the Father's heart and redeem blankie.

Bedtime that night was rough. She cried and cried. I held her, snuggled with her, sang to her, and she finally calmed. The next morning, after she'd been up for an hour or so, she began to wail (yes, "wail" is the proper term for our Maryn) for blankie. I really sensed the Lord wanted me to just spend some time comforting her and being with her in her loss. So, I did. I stroked her hair and told her stories about when she was born and how we wrapped her up in blankie. She listened quietly minus the wailing. As I sat with her, I once again sensed I was acting out His heart for us--He is with us even when we have wasted what was most precious. He is forever present with us in our dark places.

I began to pray, "Father, what would you have me do to show her your redemption? How can I redeem blankie for her?"

The word "books" came to mind instantly. I began scanning through my mental list of titles that I owned. Obviously, there were some books I couldn't part with, but I knew whatever book I chose to part with would have to be important to me. I went downstairs and scanned the bookshelves, and then I saw it. The Magic Christmas, a Sweet Valley Twins book that I read a dozen times in the 5th or 6th grade with my best friend, Abigail. This book was very important to me. It's one of those things I've hung onto from my friendship with Abby, and though I gave away all of my other Sweet Valley books, I always kept this one for sentimental reasons. (Forgive me, Abby!)

I knew I had to do it. Whatever I gave up had to be worth something to me. So, I took Maryn, Sam, and the book into the kitchen where the trashbag full of her stuff was. I explained how important the book was to me. I explained how I was going to exchange the book for Maryn's blankies. I was going to sacrifice my book so that Maryn could have her blankies. She was thrilled. I'm not so sure she got it.

But Sam did.

"Lord, this is a lesson for Sam?" I wondered.

Later that afternoon, Sam and I were reading The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe (yes, we're STILL reading...his attention span is short!). We reached the chapter where Aslan exchanges his life for Edmund's. Sam and I had a long talk about Maryn's blankies, Aslan and Edmund, and finally, Jesus and us. It was so beautiful. It was an answer to prayer as well; I have been praying for these teachable moments for Samuel and asking for him to have lots of spiritual questions.

Though it was hard, I am pleased with how the discipline worked out. Justice and mercy both played a part. Maryn does believe Mommy now. Samuel came to a greater understanding of God's desire to know him. I became more like Jesus. I'm so thankful that our good, kind Papa redeemed this situation for all of us.

Nieces, A Nephew, and This and That

I did clean up the house. It looked great. I didn't take pictures. Now it is a bit of a mess again. We went to see our extended family this weekend. It was nice to see everyone, but I must admit seeing my nieces and nephew was the highlight. :)

I got to see Britany, who is so much of a woman now, it freaks me out a little bit. It's hard to believe she was our flower girl and so little and now so tall and beautiful. I got to see her little sister, Jadlynne, who just turned one! I can't believe she's one. I am getting older moment by moment. Jadlynne had a birthday party, and it was fun to watch her stuff her mouth with cake and open her presents like a pro.

I got to see Case too. This kid is a bundle of energy and fun, but he is also genuine and sweet. I'm so thankful he and my kids are close in age; they have so much fun together. I did get to see 3 week old, Addison Mae, for the first time. She is a DOLL. She looks a lot like my brother, and that is a little strange to look at her and see so much of him there. (I could see Miranda there too, but I do think Chris' genes were a little dominant!) I think my brother is a grown-up man now--he has fathered a child and is dedicated to his family. I'm very proud of him. I was telling him that if I didn't know better, I'd think Case was his biological son because he acts so much like Chris did as a little boy! :) Addison better look out!

We went to hear William Paul Young speak last night. He wrote The Shack, in case you didn't know. There has been a lot of controversy over this book, and I understand it. I just don't agree with it (the controversy). I think the book is amazing and beautiful. It touched some deep places in me and awakened me to the truth of God's love for me. That can never be bad. :) I think the people who get up-in-arms over it need to be shaken--they need to know that the box they've put God in is of their own making, and He is not under their thumb. I found the book refreshing and eye-opening. It truly is a message of grace and freedom, which is what Jesus came to give us. Paul's talk last night was his story--where he came from, what happened along the way, and how Jesus healed him. It was beautiful, just like his book.

I finished He Loves Me by Jacobsen as well as Loving our Kids on Purpose by Silk (see earlier post of my book list). Both are fantastic. Jacobsen's book built on the truth of grace and freedom, and Silk's book applied those truths to parenting. I am excited about the place God is bringing me in these truths. Both are wonderful, refreshing reads, so check them out. I'm going to read a little fiction for now before I pick up any more of the books on my book list. I just picked up Adam by Dekker at the library. We'll see. He's a good writer, for the most part. Sometimes I don't like his word choices, but that's just me being a nerd and being irritated by Christian artists.

Okay, well, that's my update for the day. I must move on to menu planning and grocery list making. XoxoXO!

Leopard Print and a Lexus

This may be the scariest title I've ever posted. For reals.

I've mentioned in the past that this is the kind of doctor's wife I don't wanna be. So far, I'm pretty safe and far from that image.

I'm NOT a big deal.

I don't wanna be a big deal.

Yet, here in this little town, I can't help but feel like people look at me differently when they know who my husband is.

It makes me thankful for a '91 Acura, three kids in the backseat, me in my old thrift-store t-shirt with my flops and tiny ponytails. Everything in me resists the fancy.

Yet, when I've gone to Walmart nearly every day for a month, I am that person. Part of the reason I've gone is because I keep forgetting stuff, but the other reason is the whole getting-settled-again state. If I'm really honest, then it's also the I've-got-to-get-out-of-the-woods-and-see-other-humans state of being. I know (to the door-greeters) I must seem like a frivolous spend-thrift. I am, a little bit.

Yesterday, I mixed it up. I went to Thriftway and spent $70 on groceries. I felt pretty good about myself. I didn't use any coupons. I want to get back into that as well. The Total Money Makeover is about to dawn. Look out, money! You're about to get used on stuff that matters!

Back to the leopard print...

I feel like finding community here might be hard if people can't see beyond the whole status thing. It means I get to be more authentic, I think. I'm not talking about airing all my dirty laundry to any person I meet. I just mean learning to be real with people and really connecting on a human level, without pretense. It's my desire to find real community here with people who aren't like me--people who work in garages, people who work at the Super 8, people who are divorced, people who live on the lake with boats, people who drink too much, people who have never had a drink.

I so want to be like Jesus. I want to pour out my life and live in such a way that people don't know what kind of resources I have at my disposal, but at the same time, be willing to use my resources to heal, to touch, to serve.

You can take that leopard print and sell it. You can crash that Lexus.

I want something eternal and real.

I want to be little so He can be big.

"Living Less Loved"

Before we left Oklahoma, we had the privilege of hearing Wayne Jacobsen speak at our church. Some of you may recognize his name--he helped publish The Shack with William Paul Young. Since moving to Arkansas, I have thought about his message many times, and I happened upon one of his books (at Wal-Mart, of all places!!!).

The book is He Loves Me! Learning to Live in the Father's Affection. I am not quite halfway through it, and it has blessed me tremendously. I am highly recommending it.

One of the key ideas in the book is something I have struggled with my entire life, and I suspect you have struggled with it too--"Living Less Loved." What does that mean?

Wayne says this,

"When we worry that God will ask us for some horrible sacrifice, we live less loved.

When we indulge ourselves in sin, we live less loved.

When we give in to anxiety in the crush of our circumstances, we live less loved.

When we try to earn God's favor by our own efforts, we live less loved.

Even when we get caught up in religious obligations to make ourselves acceptable to him, we live less loved."

We tend to believe that when good things are happening to us, God is happy with us and is pleased. However, when bad things are happening to us, we believe that God must be angry with us and is punishing us for something we did or didn't do. We play a game of "He loves me. He loves me not." We spend all our time trying to figure out if He really loves us or not.

This is hard because EVERYTHING else in our lives uses that system of reward. When you obey your parents, you're a good boy/girl. When you get bad grades in school, everyone is disappointed with you. This system is a human system, but we mistakenly attribute it to our Father in heaven. There are a lot of rules in the Bible, but God honestly doesn't think you're going to keep them all! He knows, in fact, that it is impossible for you to do so! This is precisely why He sent Jesus--so that in His grace, He could have a relationship with you apart from works!

I mentioned that this is something I have struggled with in life. I truly believed (and still struggle with the belief) that God was often displeased with me because I wasn't doing enough. This may sound silly to you, but let me share it in hopes of others finding freedom. I used to keep a prayer journal. After a summer camp, I was told that the proper way to pray was to use the ACTS method (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication). So, I began to take this method and apply it to my prayer journal. I truly believed that it would please God if I didn't forget to do all four sections. My legalism flourished as I followed the formula to a "T". It became obsessive and consuming as I realized that I had a lot more supplication than adoration and my confession list could never be long enough, and my thanksgiving list was way too short!

Before I realized it (which wasn't until college, actually!), I was in bondage to my prayer journal! I was living less loved--I was "caught up in religious obligations to make (my)self acceptable to Him". I wasn't walking in freedom or in His love. I have many of these broken places in me. He is slowly healing each one and revealing new places He wants to touch.

I'm certain you have experienced this. Ask Him to show you these broken places, and let Him heal you.

"I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses all knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

Ephesians 3:17-19

Ads, Reviews, and the Like

Well, fellow community of bloggers, I am biting the bullet. No, I'm not going to quit blogging. I couldn't possibly do that at this stage of the game. Instead, I have joined Blogher! That's right. I was asked to apply (I put my name on a wait list about 6 months ago) today to be a part of their advertising--Blogher Ads. What will happen is there will suddenly be a lot of ads on my blog. Don't let this alarm you. :) Really. That's pretty much it.

I was able to select what kinds of ads I did NOT want to allow on my blog, and you'll be glad to know that your eyes will love me for protecting them from lots of dieting ads, pharmaceutical ads, lingerie ads, and infant formula ads. Now, don't get your panties in a wad. I'm not against infant formula--I have used it in the past, and I have friends who have had to use it as well. I'm just anti-advertising the stuff because it robs a lot of women from the blessing of breastfeeding b/c they are not educated on breastfeeding--all they see are ads for infant formula. So, don't take offense.

I will be able to make a little pocket change this way. Another way I will be making some pocket change is by doing product reviews on a separate non-advertising blog. That blog is called Geidlbots Product Reviews. No-brainer, huh?

Aside from making sweet moolah to spend on Starbucks and books (or student loans...), I think this will be a great opportunity to get a lot of traffic on my blog. One thing I have loved about blogging is that I have been able to minister to a lot of people through what I write. I've been able to be myself and share my struggles and successes and be an encouragement to others. I've also been pretty good about riling people up! :) I never intend to do that. Really!!! I hope that as people visit my blog through BlogHer, they will see Jesus here and find life.

Sorry for the clutter of ads...hope you don't mind too much. Much love to you all.

Remember Me.

When the day just isn't starting out right...
When the illness isn't subsiding...
When the money isn't there...
When the reconciliation just isn't happening...
When the cupboards are bare...
When the children won't obey...
When the car won't work...
When the friends turn their backs...
When the death doesn't make sense...

Remember.

Psalm 77:7-15, "Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again? Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"

"Selah." (stop and listen)

"Then I thought, "To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High."

"I will remember the deeds of the LORD;

yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago."

"I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds. Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? "

"You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph."

"Selah." (stop and listen)

Psalm 103:1-5, "Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits--who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

He's more than enough, people. He's big enough. He's strong enough.

And He won't forget.

The Image of God

I've been thinking about the image of God a lot lately. Most of it is because I am doing a Catholic Bible Study right now on Pope John Paul II's teaching Theology of the Body. Let me tell you, fellow Protestants, this teaching is RIGHT ON. I know many Protestants are quick to shy away from anything in Catholicism, but I beg you to check out this study. Christopher West is the chief teacher of this study and has written several books expounding and unfolding the Pope's teaching for the laypeople in the Church. You can check out his website here for downloads, articles, speaking engagements, and books to buy. You can also check with any local Catholic church for class schedules.

This study is based on Scripture. It unfolds the mystery of Christ and the Church as depicted in the marriage of man and woman. It is beautiful, amazing, and life-changing. This study has made me want to take my marriage to a new level and see it the way God does. It's just so awesome!!! I can't even begin to write a blog post on what I've learned from this introductory study, but I hope I've piqued your interest enough that you'll want to check it out for yourself.

Here are few bullet points of things that I've learned:

• Our bodies don't make sense by themselves.
• Our very body speaks of the truths of God's image.
• Lust is NEVER okay in marriage. It is a twisted form of a God-given desire. It is selfish and not sacrificial like love.
• Christ, the Bridegroom, gives a total gift of His body to the Church, the Bride, and fills her with Eternal Life. Our spousal union should look the same.
• "The human body whispers the innermost secret of God--that God himself is an eternal exchange of life-giving love, and that we are destined to share in that life and love as male and female."

This teaching has HUGE implications. I think it is beautiful and worth every bit of time you give to it. C'mon, Bride, let's make ourselves ready for the big day!!!

70x7 Chances

I find myself in a state of failure more often than I would like. The same things tend to trip me up over and over. I'm fully aware of what will cause me to fall, but instead of avoiding that thing, I just careen over the edge...again.

I am learning who God has created me to be. Thankfully, it's not the person I've been most of my life. I really struggle with being opinionated and speaking my mind with little regard to the consequences of doing so. I say what I'm thinking and feeling instead of praying about it. This causes problems, friends.

Wise Old Solomon had a lot to say about this (and my comments will be in parentheses).

Proverbs 8:8, "All the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse."
(I'm pretty sure I can't say this without lying...)

Proverbs 10:11, "The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked."
(How often do my words bring life?)

Proverbs 10:19, "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."
(I just keep talking and talking and talking and digging a bigger and bigger hole.)

Proverbs 11:9, "With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous escape."
(I've destroyed my neighbor far too often with my mouth, however, thankfully, God has let me have knowledge of this and provided a way out!)

Proverbs 15:28, "The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil."
(Hmmm...weighing answers instead of just gushing...too true too often).

Proverbs 16:23, "A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction."
(To be wise means that your mouth is guided not unbridled and free to say anything.)

Proverbs 21:23, "He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity."
(Yikes. I bring a lot of calamity on myself with my own tongue.)

I know I'm not alone in this struggle. But as Jesus' brother teaches--no one can tame their tongue. I'm guessing that this is something our Father has to do for us. He's working on it. I have to submit to His transforming work.

So, with that, I must apologize to my husband who is the unfortunate recipient of many of my words. Sorry, babe. Forgive me and my stinkin' mouth. I love you. Victory is in sight. I will get it, and I will change (because He said He would complete what He started--Philippians 1:6).

And to you, dear readers, you've put up with my verbosity. I pray my words will bring life and healing to you not destruction or division. Forgive me if I've discouraged you. Be encouraged today that God is still in the business of purifying and transforming us into His likeness.