My Quiet Life

It's cold. It is 28 degrees. I am wearing socks--this is monumental. Socks typically make my feet hot, and then my whole body overheats (even if I'm not pregnant). This has only been happening to me for a few years-kinda strange.

Our leaves have turned and are halfway gone. It's time to get warm and cozy and stay in the house--thankfully, I now enjoy this part of life.

There are a few new things with us:

• I sprained my foot last weekend. It still hurts to walk on it, and there is still some swelling--not much, but enough that it makes my shoe too tight. There are some pretty purple and blue bruises on it as well. Festive.
• Baby A (Felix) is now breech. He flipped. We are praying he flips back over or I will be having a c-section. I have heard some stories of twins with the first breech that turned out alright, but I've also heard otherwise. Bottom line: my doctor doesn't feel comfortable with it, and he is comfortable with breech deliveries--just not with the first twin. So, if you would, pray that Felix turns over. Either way, things will turn out alright, but it is hard to deal with the reality of it all. I'm getting there--slowly.
• My emotions are out of control. Steer clear.
• I wish my body wasn't so cumbersome right now; I would love to be taking walks in this fine weather. Instead, I just look out the window. When I walk, I feel like Godzilla or Frankenstein. In fact, we had to do some grocery shopping last night, and for the first time ever, I drove a motorized cart. It was great.
• My life is quieter now than it has ever been in the friendship department. This isn't a bad thing, although it is an adjustment. I'm learning with this codependency thing how often I was turning to friends for fulfillment instead of Christ. I have by no means arrived, but I am catching myself about to pick up the phone, and then I will stop and take it to Him first. It isn't easy. I am thankful for my friends who have let me "get it all out," but I am even more thankful that they aren't assuming His place in my life.
  
• I've purged my facebook a couple of times to either get rid of those I never talk to or those who try to fix me. It's been good so far. I am also being much more reserved in accepting friend requests from people that I don't really know that well or people that I don't think need to be seeing so much of what I say. :)
• My husband has been working extremely long hours (especially for someone who is finished with his training!), and it is wearing on all of us. I am thankful that in a month or so, his nurse practitioner will return from maternity leave and lighten the load a little bit. We've had some disturbing news about his call schedule for the next year, and we're praying for God to send some relief. We need relief in so many areas...
• We have decided to look for a different body of believers. Things were pretty crazy where we were at, and we didn't have peace about staying in that kind of environment. We felt things were not being handled in a Biblical manner, and we don't feel like it is a healthy place to be. We love the people we connected with and will continue to love them.

It is quiet, Dave is off for the first day in a few weeks, so I am going to go drink something decaf and hot next to him on the couch while he plays a game on his phone. ;)

Diseases, Books, and My Exciting Life

Not too much has been happening here...well, nothing exciting anyway.

Last week, all three of my kids had hand/foot/mouth--a nasty virus that has sores in those three body parts. Lucy was the worst, and it was miserable. She didn't sleep well (translated: we didn't sleep well), and she was just very fussy. I am so thankful they are all better now.

We had a friend who is a missionary in East Asia come stay the night with us this week. It was nice to visit with her and hear about what God is doing in her part of the world. He is really moving among the church there and is drawing more to Himself.

I read another book by Wayne Jacobsen--So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore? It was really interesting. Too many thoughts to go into here and now, but I will say, I agreed with far more than I disagreed with. It is not a proclaimer of house church or no church or anti-traditional church. It is all about US as THE CHURCH living in community with one another--transparently and honestly--loving people and making Jesus our focus instead of buildings, programs, classes, methods, or men. It was very encouraging, and it is exactly what I needed to read right now. I do recommend it.

I'm reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett right now for book club. I am loving it so far. It is really well-written, and I can tell it is going to be one of those books that I am going to want to own. If you're wondering, it is about some black maids in the 60s who have been raising white children for years as nannies, but they are also discriminated against by their employers. A white woman comes along who wants to see change, and the three of them together embark on a journey of change during the civil rights era.

Lucy starts speech therapy next week. I am glad. However, in the last month since her evaluation, she is already saying new words and trying oh so hard to say many more. I'm very happy for her. We're still trying to decide whether we want to pursue developmental therapy. We really feel like the speech will help her in her weak developmental areas. I am hoping she does really well with speech in the next three months, because once I hit my third trimester, traveling an hour twice a week for therapy just may not be reasonable--it just depends how well my pregnancy is going.

We go to the doctor I found on Monday. We are very excited. We are not expecting to see their genders because I will be almost 15 weeks. It is possible, but I am not getting my hopes up. We are very thankful for the doctor we found. He is so reasonable and kind and supportive. Now we just have to pray all goes well and that the babies stay head down throughout delivery! :)

Well, that's about it for me. I hope your week is going well!!!

Day 12--Couch to 5k--GOALS

Rest Day.

I signed up for the race this morning. It was $20 (plus a 2.50 transaction fee or some nonsense). It feels good to have this goal in place to work towards.

I chatted on the phone with my dad last night about running. He used to run 11 miles a day back in high school. He said the farthest he ever ran was 20 miles. He ran sprints first, but then his coaches realized he had more endurance so they switched him to long distance running. Let's hope this is genetic! :)

Speaking of goals, here is what I envision for myself right now. Obviously, the 5k is my first goal--to finish this 10 week training and run the race. Beyond that, what I really want is to run 30 minutes 3-4 times a week which would probably put me at 10 miles a week or so. I just want to do this for my health and for my own enjoyment.

At this point, I don't want a half-marathon goal. There is the possibility that we will have another child in the near future, so I'd really like to have a well-established exercise regimen before I get pregnant. The current recommendation is that you may continue with whatever exercise regimen you have in place before you get pregnant, but you shouldn't increase it after becoming pregnant. I would like to have something that would keep me in good shape throughout a pregnancy. Of course, I am well aware of how exhausted I am in the first trimester, so this all remains to be seen!!! I do like to have achievable goals, though, so I would like to set my sights on 30 minutes of running, 3-4 days a week.

I am buying running shoes this weekend. I am so excited. I am looking forward to having shoes that actually fit my feet and provide the support that I need. I'm also getting to pick up my BAM (Basket-A-Month) in Conway this weekend. Yea for farmer's market!!! If you're curious about the Central Arkansas CSA (Community Supported Agriculture), here is the link: www.arkansasfood.net

Today starts a week of NO CALL for Dave. I want to make the break enjoyable for him!!! Any ideas?

My Journey from Legalism to Grace and How I Am Getting There

First of all, thank you for your continued prayers. Kathy is awake and off the respirator. Please pray for her spiritual and mental state right now. I can't elaborate as I have no details and I want to protect her privacy. Just pray that she will rest in Him and be at peace. I do not know any of the test results at this point.

Now, in reference to my title, I would like to provide a little map of how I came out of constricting and debilitating legalism into a spacious and gracious place. I first give God 100% of the credit. He was and is so faithful to meet me where I'm at. As I look back on my brief 30 years, I can see His hand carefully guiding and shaping me. And interestingly enough, He used other people to mold me--many of them regular people, but a few artists thrown in there. So, if you're wanting to move forward in freedom and grace in your Christian walk, here are some folks that God used in my life. You should google them. :)

1. Rich Mullins

You can't listen to Rich Mullins and feel unloved or unworthy. He so captures the heart of God in all of his music. If 80s music doesn't bother you too much, then you'll enjoy Rich. I have always called him a modern-day Apostle Paul. He'd probably laugh if he heard me say that. Seriously, though, the man knew Jesus (he died in a tragic car accident well over 10 years ago). If you want a good biography about him, check out _An Arrow Pointing to Heaven_ by James Bryan Smith. The book blessed me and gave me an even greater picture of who he was and what God had accomplished in his life.

2. Stephanie Thiemann

Now, I don't think Steph is up for discipling you because she lives in India right now, but she is great. Steph got the great job of showing me how legalistic I was and how self-righteous. Fun, huh? But seriously, she was great at it. I never felt condemned by her. Even when I hit my lowest point EVER, she never condemned me. She loved me through it. I've mentioned before the CRAZY prayer journals I used to keep. If you don't recall, they were really bad. I tried to keep each page even and pray with the ACTS method--one page of adoration, one of confession, one of thanksgiving, one of supplication--if I wrote two pages of one, then by George, I better do two pages of each. She told me to stop. That was HUGE. I stopped, and I haven't retreated back to the comfort of the ACTS method. It challenged my prayer life.

3. Waterdeep

This band is amazacrazy. You should check them out if you haven't already. They get it. They get Jesus' love and mission. They also have a great sound--very unique in the Christian arena. This ain't The Gaithers, friends. (Nothing against the Gaithers, I just don't like that kind of music). I really enjoyed their project with 100 Portraits "Enter the Worship Circle". Start there and then branch out into all their albums.

4. Dinah Fox

She has no idea the impact she had on me that summer. I will never forget it. We were sitting in a Sunday School class out in Colorado, and our teacher was being all seminary-like and our heads were swimming as we had no clue what he was talking about. She leaned over to me and said, "If all I ever knew was that Jesus loved me, that'd be enough for me." I had NEVER thought about that. Not that the pursuit of knowledge is evil or a waste of time, it's not. But, how often does our pursuit of it actually lead us to Jesus? If it doesn't lead us to Him, we should abandon it; it's lost its purpose. At that point, I knew I wanted people like Dinah in my life. People who were coming into an understanding of His great and unmeasurable love.

5. Brennan Manning

Dinah actually told me about him. She told me to read _The Ragamuffin Gospel_. It changed my life. I realized I was a beggar at Heaven's door, and Jesus loved me. Really loved me. You should read this book if you haven't. It's transformational.

6. Kristin Ross

Grace-filled woman of God. She talks really fast. And she listens hard. I was able to confess my sin to her without judgment. Through all my tears, she was there, loving me and encouraging me. She was like Dinah--safe. I knew she knew Him like I wanted to.

7. Jeremy Irvan

Jeremy loved me the way I was, and he wasn't afraid to tell me the truth. That's rare. I never felt condemned, but I did hear truth from him. I'll never forget it.

8. Kim Stephens

Loving. Gracious. Healing. Kim is a healer of souls. I believe God has gifted her this way. She nurtured me in one of my most vulnerable states, and I am grateful for the way she poured out her life on me.

9. Megan Dart

She has loved me through it all. Being persistently loved by people when you're unlovely is just so Godly. Megan has been that for me. She never threw in the towel--just like Jesus.

10. David Geidl, my husband

He sees me at my worst. He loves me still. His forgiveness and love have made marriage more beautiful. We're on this journey together, and it is exciting to see him moving on this same path. We encourage one another along the way. He's an oak of righteousness.

11. The Summit Church

They stepped outside the box. It was new for me. It was refreshing. I cherish the four years I spent there with that group of believers. If you're in a church where things refuse to change, you will not see much grace. I'm thankful that the Summit is a gracious body.

12. Marla Livers

Marla teaches me all the time. She is the kind of friend who'll get down in the mud with you and help you get out. She has suffered more than her fair share in life, but she NEVER minimalizes my suffering. She's a living example of God's grace.

13. Melissa Smith

She is my twin in personality. We both struggle with being rule-makers and rule-followers. But we're growing together. We've both changed a lot. But we are a beautiful picture of iron sharpening iron. It's awesome how God has used her to shape me. I can't imagine what kind of person I would be right now if we hadn't become friends.

14. Kathy Ruddick

It's hard to think about her being in the hospital and having suffered so much for the last three months. She is a mighty woman of God. She led me out of an intellectual prison into the freedom of the Spirit. She has never assumed a place of authority over me, but rather, she has served me endlessly always pointing me back to Jesus. "Why don't you pray about that, Amanda?" She always listens, but she knows Who has the answers.

15. Kaysie Steele

Kaysie told me once, when I was hitting a rough patch, "Sometimes, it's just life. It happens. The cause of it isn't really important." Kaysie has gone through so much, but she has such a good perspective on it. She's not blaming. She walks in grace with her family and her friends. You gotta love a woman with a good head on her shoulders.

16. Meredith Mayer

Pure in heart. Gracious. She knows her Father's voice. She is precious and encouraging. She brightens my days with her laughter, and her sincerity can't be beat. We haven't even known one another for a year, and yet, I feel like we've known one another for decades. She loves hard. That's important.

17. Donald Miller

Just read his stuff. He's great. He really captures faith in action--loving people practically.

18. W. Paul Young

Yes, the author of _The Shack_. I don't agree 100% with everything he says there, but this book was a catalyst for me spiritually. It set me on a path to become more aware of God's heart.

19. Wayne Jacobsen

_He Loves Me!_ is awesome. It builds on _The Shack_ in a more Scripture-saturated kind of way.

20. Danny Silk

_Loving our Kids on Purpose_ built on the two previous books (above). It translated for me how to parent like God. How to extend grace in parenting--it's valuable stuff.

21. David Crowder Band

"Church Music" is what I listen to most of the time. This album is so where I'm at right now. DCB is where it's at.

22. Believer's Church

This is a community of genuine folks who let it all hang out--good, bad, and ugly. They're beautiful people with a heart for seeing Jesus all over the world and into the hidden nooks and crannies of our lives. I love 'em.

What I find interesting about my journey is that my list is full of regular people that I have lived in community with at a point in my life. There are so many more people I could have added, but for space's sake, I added the ones that jumped right out at me as I chronicled my journey in my head. We were meant for community--meant to live together, loving one another as Christ loves us, extending His message of grace to those around us. It's beautiful stuff.

Book Club Read-A-Long

I started a book club. Well, I had considered it, and I didn't know who would be able to join in. A woman, Megan, that works with Dave said something on Facebook about wishing she were in a book club so she could discuss the books she was reading.

I LOVED my book club in Tulsa. Second Saturdays at Borders with a Cafe Mocha and good conversation--it was often a monthly highlight in my life. I loved the fellowship of other women, and I was always inspired by how well-read the ladies were. I wanted to replicate it here.

Surprisingly, Megan and I were able to round up several ladies who were interested. We had our first meeting on Saturday, and since then, I've been contacted by three other women who want to take part! Everyone's tastes are different, but it looks like we have a pretty swell reading list. AND, there are movies for most of the books we are reading (and some movies that will be released in the next year!). If you're interested in reading along, here is our list:

March 2010—Dear John by Nicholas Sparks

April 2010—The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne

May 2010—The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer

June 2010—The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold July 2010—The Choice by Nicholas Sparks

August 2010—The Help by Kathryn Stockett

September 2010—The Giver by Lois Lowry

October 2010—Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

November 2010—Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

December 2010—Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah

January 2011—Icy Sparks by Gwyn Hyman Rubio

March 2001—Les Miserables by Victor Hugo (Must Get Signet Classics UNABRIDGED, translation by Lee Fahnestock/Norman MacAfee)

Not bad, eh? I'm excited, and I sensed many of the other women are excited too. It's not just an opportunity to read and discuss literature. It's an opportunity to form friendships, develop community and go deeper. This is my heart's desire to see women find godly community. I'm so thankful to be a part of this group!

Melting Pot Post

I want to thank my many wonderful supportive friends for your kind comments and prayers. I feel very good right now, and I continue to rest in the grace of God. I also want to thank my parents for their constant support and love during this time. It means so much.

When I told my brother about losing my baby, he was sad, obviously. However, later he called me and said he and his wife would love to adopt a Haitian child. Dave and I would love to as well. Unfortunately, the process is not super easy right now. The Department of Homeland Security allowed Humanitarian Parole for Haitian orphans that were in process of adoption PRIOR TO the earthquake. It still will take some time to determine if the children that are in emergency foster care from Haiti are indeed orphans. The goal is to keep them in their families if at all possible. We will still continue to look into it.

Our friend, Mark, went to Haiti with a group of residents from Dave's program in Tulsa. I was really hoping he would bring me a Haitian baby in his carry-on. :) I kid...kind of.

Dave and I have always wanted to adopt. We still do. We are holding that open before the Lord and seeing where He takes us on this adventure. One thing that is important to us is to be debt free. I know there are varying viewpoints on this, and I am not here to debate it, but our goal is to not be beholden to anyone as far as money is concerned. This frees us up for giving and serving and adopting. Plus, we have a goal to go overseas long-term, and we don't want to have debt for that. I saw a stat from UNICEF that said there are 143-210 million orphans worldwide. That is 50%-70% of the US population. This is not an unachievable task. God is bigger.

We are open to adopting domestically or internationally. The way we see it, it doesn't matter so much where--just as long as we do it. Each child matters and is worth it.

I've heard people say in the past, "Well, you can have children of your own, why would you want to adopt?" Well, it is on the heart of God, so it is on our hearts as well. Our hearts have lots of room for children. We love our children dearly and desire more of them--why? Because bringing forth new life is a beautiful picture of what Christ does in us, the Church--He brings forth new life and makes us a new creation. We have cherished each of our children from the womb, but we would gladly cherish a child crafted in another woman's womb as well. We hold that before God and say, "We will serve You."

I truly do believe that if you follow Jesus, you need to be involved in caring for orphans--whether that means helping raise funds for others who are adopting, providing your home to foster children, being a foster respite worker relieving foster parents when they need a break, or adopting a child. There are so many great organizations to get involved with. One way Dave and I have cared for an orphan since we got married is through Compassion International. Our Rwandan daughter, Umutesi Constantine, was most likely orphaned during the Rwandan genocide in the early 90s. She lives with her aunt now, but we support her through Compassion. She will be 18 this year. She chose to follow Jesus last year. We hope to meet her one day and see her thriving because we supported her. We love how she calls us her "dear parents in the Lord". We really think of her as our own.

We have several friends who are involved in orphan care--one family in our town provides respite care for a foster mom. One of our friends adopted a son. Dave's brother and his wife adopted a daughter. Some friends in Tulsa are new foster parents, and another friend there is in process to become a foster parent. We have friends who adopted three daughters from China. We have many friends currently in the process of adoption--here are a few of them; feel free to support them if you can:

Mick and Gayla
Cameron and Jenny
Steve and Joanna

If you are in process of adopting and want me to add you to my list, let me know!

In other news, I am really enjoying my kids. We've hit a new stage, and it is so much fun. They keep us laughing most of the time. It is so great! Sam is learning stuff like crazy. He hit 5 and became a huge sponge. It is so cool to watch him--his drawings are amazing--especially the ones on the Etch-A-Sketch--his skills are far beyond mine, for sure! He is reading well. We're working on the necessary sight words. He's getting them. It was hard for him at first because he really wanted to sound them out. He's getting it, though.

Just in case you're wondering what I'm doing with him--last year, I bought a $15 Pre-Reading Hooked on Phonics kit at Target. It is great. It has three or four sets of flashcards, a CD with exercises on it, and books to work through along with a progress chart and stickers. I think it was the best $15 I ever spent. In fact, we are going to need more books soon!

Maryn is an actress. She is constantly re-enacting TV shows. She also tells Sam what lines he has to say. She is extra cuddly too, which we love!!! She is doing great on her letters. She still confuses a couple of them, but she's doing great. Her potty time is much better too. She seems to have gotten over the hump. I hope. :) She's still strong-willed (and will be forever, I guess), but our discipline really seems to be working. I can't say I adhere to any certain discipline philosophy, but I really love Love and Logic. It has helped a lot with her. She is also enjoying me teaching her daily tasks--like laundry sorting and folding sheets, towels, etc. She is a big girl.

Lucy is almost walking. She took a step last night. She gets so proud of herself. We love it! She babbles a lot. I know she wishes she knew more words--she gets frustrated sometimes. She knows some signs, but she won't use them. About 2 weeks ago, I started her on a high-caloric diet to beef her up. She was doing great until we transitioned to food. She really struggled with the transition, and her weight was affected. She's doing much better now, and I hope with this diet she will pack on the pounds! Do pray with us about this. We really want to see her gain some weight in the next 3 weeks. She's only nursing morning and night now. We'll see if she nurses as long as Maryn (17 months). She is so cute. Seriously. The cutest baby on the planet=my LuLu. She is so affectionate, and she is getting better about going to other people. She is trying to drop her morning nap. Already. Sam did the same thing, but he did it at 11 months. She still has quiet time in her bed in the mornings, and it is good.

I am so thankful for my sweet little family. I love each of them and how God is growing all of us. My biggest struggle is my house. I just don't like to clean. I'd rather play with the kids or read a good book! However, I really am trying to bless my family and bring peace to our home, so I am trying to keep it looking nice and clean. But, I still may hire someone to help with the harder stuff that I don't seem to have time for.

Well, if you made it this far, you are truly devoted to me. I appreciate it. Once again, thank you, my friends--the few of you who have stuck with me over the last four years of my blogging. I love you and appreciate your prayers and support. I am blessed.

Arms in the Air

Today is the day.

My good friend, Marla, is going to become a mother for the fifth time. I will never forget where I was when I got the news that she was headed to the hospital the first time. I was so excited. It was 6 in the morning almost 6 years ago. I had predicted what day she would deliver (and I was RIGHT). I also will never forget where I was when I heard that everything was NOT okay. I was in the teacher's lounge using the phone to call her and find out how Halley was doing. Marla answered and said, "You haven't heard?" She was obviously still in shock. Halley wasn't breathing on her own, her muscles were constricted, and they had no idea what was wrong.

I prayed and prayed for the next two months.

I really thought she would be healed.

Then, Nate and Marla had to make the hardest decision of their lives. They had to remove life support from their precious Halley because her organs were all failing.

I didn't know what to do. How do you help someone who has just lost their first child to an unknown disease? Our small group planted some flowers for them, and we went to the memorial service. I now cannot hear "Fly to Jesus" without bawling. Halley's life, though brief, changed mine forever. I told God, "I really thought you were going to heal her."

He said, "I did--just not how you thought I would."

It was hard to watch Nate and Marla grieve. Especially when I became pregnant shortly after Halley's death. The guilt I felt for being pregnant when her baby was gone was hard to bear. Sometimes, I just didn't know what to say.

I was about 4-5 months pregnant with Sam when Marla announced they were pregnant again. We were all overjoyed, but we were also scared because the doctors thought it could be a genetic disease that was not yet documented. No other known disease really explained it. I had Sam, and Marla continued to grow and blossom in her pregnancy. Things were looking okay, but they didn't really know what to think because Halley's pregnancy had been normal (to their knowledge). Just over 14 months after Halley was born, I got a phone call from our good (and mutual) friend, Melissa, telling me that they were doing a c-section to get Porter out because his non-stress tests looked concerning.

I remember yelling in the phone, "No!!! This is NOT happening again!" Melissa and I cried together over the phone, and once again, I started to pray.

Porter was taken out several weeks early, but his symptoms looked frighteningly familiar. And again, two months after he came into the world, Nate and Marla had to, once again, remove their baby from life support. At the visitation, I just didn't know what to say. My baby was healthy and six months old. That guilt returned.

"I'm so sorry," was about all I could muster. His little body in the casket was almost too much to bear. It was good for me to see him, though. It helped a little. I just could not believe I was going to yet another funeral for one of their children. Of course, now the doctors had determined that the disease was genetic, and that they had a 25% chance of a baby having it each time they conceived. That is devastating news to bear.

Marla told me later that people often said insensitive things to her in hopes of cheering her up. I didn't want to be one of those people. I found it hard to find things to say, but I tried to listen if she was willing to talk.

A few months after Porter's death, I found out I was pregnant again. Guilt returned (also because I had another close friend who had miscarried that summer as well). But then, there was finally some GOOD NEWS.

Nate and Marla were going to adopt a baby.

I prayed and prayed that the adoption would go smoothly and that the birth mother would not change her mind.

And Shepherd was born. We had a baby shower after he arrived, and it was so sweet because Marla didn't let anybody hold him. But no one tried to--we all wanted her to hold her baby as much as she wanted!!! He was theirs. I had Maryn about two and a half months later.

We all went off to our separate residency programs, and we grew closer than we'd ever been. We talked weekly (sometimes multiple times a week). I watched Marla grow in grace. You could see the Lord was healing her. She is very transparent and honest about how she's feeling. It was good to hear her talk about her grief and her journey to healing.

She called one day and dropped the bomb that she was pregnant AGAIN! I didn't think she was crazy. I knew that she and Nate were not flippant about this. I knew that they listened very carefully to what God was telling them to do--especially in this area. I prayed and prayed for her baby, had others praying, and when the day came, Owen was born, and he was healthy!

I cannot begin to describe the joy that we all felt over this news!!!

Marla and I have grown so close through the years, and I am blessed to be in this spot once again, praying for her and her sweet baby girl, Marley, who will arrive in the next hour or so. I have learned so much from Marla about trusting God, about being real, about grief, about fear, and about being healed.

I may have prayed for Marla, but she too has prayed for me. She doesn't minimalize my struggles by comparing them to hers. This is what the Body of Christ is supposed to look like. I'm sure of it! Holding one another up as we walk through life--the good, the bad, and the devastating. It's mutual.

So, now, would you join me in praying for the safe arrival of Marley Grace? I'll post again with the news. We're believing God for another miracle!

Friends, Old and New

This is gonna be a long one, folks.

I've blogged about my friendship with Angela in the past on my old blog. But, since she is the oldest friend in this post, I'll start with her and refresh your memories.

Angela and I met in the 7th grade at church camp. We discovered that we both had a crush on a boy named Ben. It bonded us pretty quickly. Our friendship began, and the next year, I began to get involved with the youth group at her church, so we saw one another more frequently, and we shared a friend, Tricia. So, there were numerous hanging out opportunities (and chances to talk about Ben).

Ninth grade came, and Angela came to my school. We were in class together and maintained our friendship. We then shared another friend, Allison. We still went to church camp every summer and hung out. She home-schooled after that, but we still saw one another at church functions and sporting events. We talked on the phone from time to time, and I went swimming at her house several times. It was a typical high school friendship.

Then at the end of high school, she moved far away to Washington D.C. and started the adventure of life on her own. We lost touch. And then, about three years ago, our friend, Allison, told me Angela had a blog. I had a blog too, and so we caught up.

Angela is (and always has been) a very encouraging person. She was not a fan of strife in relationships. I can't remember ever getting into a fight with her. She's a peacemaker--and now this plays out in her professional life as a photojournalist. She is giving a voice to the voiceless through her photographs. It's incredible the many places she's gone and the things she's experienced. I am so honored to know her, and I was even more honored to attend her wedding to Craig (not Ben! :). Check out her blog if you want to be inspired to love people because that's what will happen!

Of course, Angela and Tricia introduced me to Allison. Allison is funny. Very funny. But she doesn't mean to be. That's what is so great about her! Alli and I became very good friends very quickly. We both shared a heart to know God. Our times at church camp together were so very special and holy. Alli was one of the few people in high school who spurred me on to love and good deeds. She was a constant source of encouragement and friendship. She was very good at accepting me, warts and all. I have so many wonderful memories from high school with Alli.

One of my favorite memories is riding around in her purple convertible singing Fleetwood Mac tribute songs at the top of our lungs. We studied God's word together, we watched a lot of "Dawson's Creek" together, and we spent entirely too much time arguing about how I didn't wear enough makeup and why Alli would only eat Snackwell's cookies instead of Oreos. I wore her down on the Oreos eventually.

We lost touch briefly after college, but we soon reconnected. I am so glad I know Allison. I'm also so proud of her as a wife and mommy. I was so glad we got to spend an entire evening hanging out before the wedding. It was so good to be with her again. She married a funny man, and she has an adorable, wide-awake daughter. I'm so proud to call her my friend.

I had to put a pic of Lucy in here. She was such a good little traveler. She rolled with the punches, slept when she could, and had an overall sunny disposition. But then again, that's my girl. Isn't she pretty in her party gown?

Joanna. Sweet Joanna. I met Joanna through my friend, Carrie, who just said, "You have got to look at her blog. Her pictures are awesome, and she's a believer!" That's what I did. I went to her blog, began commenting on her thoughtful and beautiful posts. I can recall many days when I would read one of her posts, and it would edify me to no end!

We began messaging back and forth, and I knew she was a kindred spirit, a bosom buddy, a soul sister, whatever you want to call it. I so wanted to go to Angela's wedding, and what an added perk when I found out that she had asked Joanna to be her photographer (they met through my blog)! We were going to meet!

It was arranged. We talked on the phone for the first time, and even though I was at a baby shower, I was so excited to talk to her, that I hated to get off the phone. One night, we chatted on the phone for a couple of hours. It was awesome. It was like we had known one another forever. And it felt so special, because I know how she hates talking on the phone (ahem...I LOVE to talk on the phone).

When the time came for me to finally meet her, I got nervous. I had wondered if she would like me as much in person as she did through the blog or on the phone. I worried it wouldn't be the same. And it wasn't. It was better.

We hugged instantly, and it was like two sisters who hadn't seen one another in a long time. She had warned me that she might be kind of funky because her mind was on the wedding. She was delightful. I totally and completely loved her even more.

She sweetly carved out time to hang out with me the morning of the wedding. We had breakfast in the hotel restaurant and chatted about our families, our lives, and God. She photographed Lucy and me for a little while in the hotel lobby (pics--and a humbling and incredibly kind post about me--can be seen on her blog). She set me so at ease in front of the camera. I have NEVER liked pictures taken of my profile, but the one she took is so good! She says I'm photogenic, and I say she's an amazing photographer!

It was such a gift to be able to meet Joanna. I do hope we don't have to wait until eternity to meet again. And, it's nice to be able to say that I've finally met an internet friend (and I'm still alive).

Joanna was not the only internet friend I had the pleasure of meeting while I was on my trip. I also got to meet Katie. Katie and I met through xanga (though I'm not sure I remember how). As I read her blog, I realized we were cut from the same cloth. Here are the things we have in common:

We were both English teachers.
We both have stair-step children (though she has four and I have three--for now).
We both had our kids in this order: boy, girl, girl (and then she has another boy--which I'm hoping for us!)
Our third child is a girl and they share the name Lucy along with lots of hair and a sunny disposition.
We're both anal.
We are both opinionated.
We're both a little clumsy (sorry Katie, but it is true).

I know the list could be longer. Katie lives outside of Baltimore. When I booked my flight, I realized I had a layover in Baltimore on my way home. So, I gave her a call, and we set up a meeting at the Baltimore airport. She had to cancel because her son was scheduled to be baptized that Sunday. I was so sad, but I couldn't really expect her to miss that to meet me!!! :)

Then, due to the heavy rain, they had to reschedule his baptism (they baptize in a creek) for another week. I was thrilled! So, when we met, it too was like old friends coming back together. We had a nice chat at Starbucks for a couple of hours. We talked about books, schooling, our kids. It wasn't awkward or weird (at least for me!). It was wonderful to meet Katie and see her face to face. She's everything I knew she would be, and I hope we get to meet again.

Friends are a gift from God. I have a brother, but no sisters. I am so blessed to have so many wonderful friends who are like sisters to me. Our Father knows what we need, and I'm grateful for the many women He has supplied me with in my journey.

Hebrews 10:24, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--all the more as you see the Day approaching."

Thank you, friends, for a lovely weekend I will never forget.

Leopard Print and a Lexus

This may be the scariest title I've ever posted. For reals.

I've mentioned in the past that this is the kind of doctor's wife I don't wanna be. So far, I'm pretty safe and far from that image.

I'm NOT a big deal.

I don't wanna be a big deal.

Yet, here in this little town, I can't help but feel like people look at me differently when they know who my husband is.

It makes me thankful for a '91 Acura, three kids in the backseat, me in my old thrift-store t-shirt with my flops and tiny ponytails. Everything in me resists the fancy.

Yet, when I've gone to Walmart nearly every day for a month, I am that person. Part of the reason I've gone is because I keep forgetting stuff, but the other reason is the whole getting-settled-again state. If I'm really honest, then it's also the I've-got-to-get-out-of-the-woods-and-see-other-humans state of being. I know (to the door-greeters) I must seem like a frivolous spend-thrift. I am, a little bit.

Yesterday, I mixed it up. I went to Thriftway and spent $70 on groceries. I felt pretty good about myself. I didn't use any coupons. I want to get back into that as well. The Total Money Makeover is about to dawn. Look out, money! You're about to get used on stuff that matters!

Back to the leopard print...

I feel like finding community here might be hard if people can't see beyond the whole status thing. It means I get to be more authentic, I think. I'm not talking about airing all my dirty laundry to any person I meet. I just mean learning to be real with people and really connecting on a human level, without pretense. It's my desire to find real community here with people who aren't like me--people who work in garages, people who work at the Super 8, people who are divorced, people who live on the lake with boats, people who drink too much, people who have never had a drink.

I so want to be like Jesus. I want to pour out my life and live in such a way that people don't know what kind of resources I have at my disposal, but at the same time, be willing to use my resources to heal, to touch, to serve.

You can take that leopard print and sell it. You can crash that Lexus.

I want something eternal and real.

I want to be little so He can be big.