Planning for the birth of a baby is challenging, especially when you already have children. Planning for the birth of TWO babies (at the same time!) is even more challenging and ESPECIALLY when you have three older children.
I have felt every emotion possible this past week: happy, overwhelmed, excited, thankful, scared, nervous, and a little loony.
I have comforted myself with the knowledge that God has chosen this for our family. He has blessed us with this amazing gift of two children at once. He is wise. He also knows how pressure draws us closer to Him. Trusting Him in this will be a lesson all in itself!
Right now, I am trying to decide which doctor I will go with. I am doing my best to research them ahead of time instead of doing several interviews since we live an hour away. It hasn't been really easy, and some offices have been more cooperative than others. I've called hospitals and talked about their policies for multiple births. I am still waiting to hear back from a couple of doctors.
I want what is best for my children. I want them to be healthy, though I know that isn't a guarantee or a proof of God's goodness. He is good no matter how healthy they are. I do want to plan the best possible situation for them to be born in. I feel that if I fail to plan for the best possible situation, then it will certainly NEVER happen. Things may not go the way I plan, and I know that, and I'm okay with that, but if I don't plan for the best, then that reality is not a possibility.
I am daily reminding myself that I am not in control. I don't have to be in control. I don't know how early they'll be born. I don't know how much they'll weigh. I don't know if they'll nurse well. But if I don't take care of myself, then the chances are, they'll be born earlier, weigh less than they should, and probably struggle with nursing. So, wouldn't I be foolish to not prepare for the BEST and take care of myself?
I think the same thing goes for my birth plan. I want to have a vaginal delivery. It is statistically the better option for both mom and baby. I want to work towards that. I realize it may not happen. One of my wiggly children may decide to turn some funny way at the last minute. I know that. I am prepared for that.
I want to have a natural birth if possible. The fewer medications in my body=the fewer medications in their bodies. It is also an amazing experience for all involved. My experience with Lucy was so amazing, and the bond and connection we shared was very different from my other births. Do I love my other children less? No. Absolutely not. But the experience has changed our relationships. I can't deny that. I don't need to defend natural childbirth--there's a plethora of information that shows how much better it is for mom and baby, breastfeeding, and postpartum recovery.
I have already felt the criticism of others for wanting to plan in this direction--as if I would totally disregard my children for what I want. That kind of judgment goes straight to my heart--that I would prefer myself over my kids. I will do what is best, and I trust that the Lord will give me wisdom and discretion for each situation.
In the meantime, I will continue to search for the best doctor and hospital for me and my babies. I am so thankful for a husband who supports me in my decisions and who isn't afraid to tell me if something makes him uncomfortable. We are in this TOGETHER, and we will press forward in this adventure regardless of the criticism.